9:29 P.M.
This whole week has gone to shit. I feel so crappy right now that I don�t even want to go into work tomorrow... I feel like I could literally barf from all the stress built up inside.
This week started off with a reminder that I needed to turn in my �goal sheet� to my team leader by the end of this week. I wish I knew more about the overall struggles that the company faced so I could help more. I met and exceeded the goals I set last year, but felt like I got the shaft because my boss was more focused on the fact I had to miss time to have an emergency appendectomy than what I had really accomplished. It made me feel like shit to read my review on the sole suggestion they left in the comment section of my review worksheet.
This quarter, I have a lot of goals but don�t know for sure if they pertain to my particular job title. I asked my boss to point me in the right direction, hoping to get some feedback and he told me the sky is the limit and he�d like to see me take some more initiative.
I just wish I could focus on one area of improvement, even if it doesn�t have much to do with my current job. There are days I hear, or see things that I want to improve. Some days I see people I work with doing something the hard way and I want to teach them to work smart, NOT hard. I don�t think about it, I just do it and I never list it on a goal sheet to track my progress.
I want to evolve with the company but wish I knew more about it�s forecasted path.
I feel like the last year was chalked full with initiative and it all went unnoticed and unappreciated. I listen to my coworkers talk about how they didn�t meet their goals and it made me feel like an idiot for even trying.
I seriously want to contribute as much as I can to this company. My boss has done so much for me and the people I work with are like family to me. Even the agents are something amazing!
In addition to hammering through these goals I�ve had a hard time keeping a clear head.
Kitty is ignoring me, after I took him out for a birthday dinner and gave him a new fabulous shirt. He is great at putting together business proposals, and had promised to help me improve my goal sheet, but now he�s NO where to be found. He knows what kind of time frame I�m working with� he just doesn�t care.
It seems that if I�m not answering a booty call, feeding him, or giving him a gift, or a favor, he could care less about me.
I�m also feeling up in arms about a friends� health. I just found out one of my best friends has cancer again and has to start radiation immediately. She�s been through this a number of times and I wish there was something I could do to make it easier on her. She�s a real trooper, and such a huge inspiration to me on days where I seem to struggle.
I also have my own health issues to contend with. I had another scan today and the doctor said there has been no improvement.
I had a HUGE fight with my mom tonight and missed Grey�s Anatomy. I was however relieved when Troy told me I wasn�t missing anything because it was just a rerun.
I got my costume fixed yet I have no where to wear it now.
Tomorrow night is this great Halloween party, and I have a dozen costumes to donate to a friend but no one will commit to the challenge of dressing up and hitting the party with me.
It�s starting to look more and more likely that I will be spending my weekend watching reruns of Sex And The City With Brinky-Brink�
I feel like I have a storm cloud looming over my head and I just want to curl up and cry right now.
ACK! I Need to pull through this!! October is supposed to be my FAVORITE month of the year because I love dressing up for Halloween.
