9:51 P.M.
My mind drew a complete blank as I drove in circles through the city trying to remember where the doctor�s office was. It was as if temporarily I was suffering from a MAJOR case of ADD. One moment I was thinking, �Where the hell is this doctors office�, and then the next I thought, �I don�t want to do this. I can�t handle another surgery this soon.�
In a panic, I called Kitty to ask him how to get out of the maze I had driven myself into but he wasn�t answering. I racked my brain wondering who could have been sitting in front of a computer to help me navigate my way out of the mess I was in and NO ONE was answering their phones as I called.
Just by happenstance I stumbled across the exact street I had been searching for and suddenly I remembered where the office was. As I pulled into the parking lot Kitty called to offer to help. It was too late, but I thanked him anyway and headed in for my appointment.
I surprisingly spent very little time waiting for the doctor. She came right in to see me and after she asked how I was feeling she immediately began chastising me for missing the surgery they had scheduled for me a month and a half ago. �There is a surgeon, a hospital bed and an anesthesiologist who were all expecting you. I HELD that appointment for you in good faith, hoping you would do the right thing. We�ve been over this. You�ve had your 2nd and 3rd opinions. You may not agree with the coarse of action here, but if you don�t take care of this the way you CAN take care of this, your quality of life will soon begin to decline.�
I couldn�t say a word in response to her lecture and she could tell I was uncomfortable. Then she asked with a half frown on her face, �Is that something you are okay with?�
I thought back to the conversation I had earlier with Yvette at Wendy�s about my appendectomy and how everything has slowly gone down hill for me since I had that surgery.
As I sat there in the office my eyes welled up in tears.
I wondered how I was going to tell my job, and my family that I�ll have to have another surgery that may turn my life upside down.
I thought about how Yvette had been there with me by my side before my last surgery and she hardly knew me. I thought about how lucky I was to have my closest friends come to visit.
I remembered how Kitty took such good care of me through it all and sadness quickly washed over me.
The harsh reality sunk in. I thought, �there is no one there to take care of me in a way where I can still feel at home like he did.�
The doctor performed the ultrasound and made a hmm kind of sound as if she saw something she recognized in my scan results.
�Well Kelly. We�ll see you in two weeks for the next step. Do you have any questions?�
I stopped crying and she said, �I�ll see you at the check out counter after you�ve gathered your things together.�
I spent about 5 minutes in the room alone, gathering my things together. A comment Yvette made earlier stuck out in my mind. She said, �There was something there. I saw it in his eyes when I was in the room when the doctor told you they were going to take you into surgery. He was scared, and he genuinely appeared to care for you. He had a look on his face that said, don�t worry Kell, I will take care of you.�
Tears started to stream down my face again.
So much has changed since January and I don�t think for a minute that my new guy would take the time and attention to take care of me if I were not feeling up to par. It made me realize that I haven�t found THE ONE.
Maybe I AM better off alone?
It also made me think about how much time I spend sleeping.
I�d better start living each moment like it�s my last �
I went home, picked up Brink and called the first person I�m so used to calling when my mind is a mess. He answered and I said, �Hey! Tell me something GOOD! I need to hear something good.� He rambled on and on about work things but I was happy to talk about ANYTHING that would get my mind off of my current dilemma.
What I wouldn't give to have the comfort of someone who completes me...
