9:31 P.M.
This song is somewhat morbid, but still managed to leave so much hope in my heart as the lyrics stung my soul.
Every time I hear this song I feel as if I were standing out in the damp cold with no coat... and the wind blows right through me....
My arms are covered in goosebumps!
He sings,
�And it came to me then
That every plan
Is a tiny glance of father time
As I stared at my shoes
In the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409
And I rationed my breaths
As I said to myself
That I'd already taken to much today
As each descending peak
On the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me...
Amongst the vending machines
And year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It's done like a violent limp
That our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
And I knew that you were truth
I would rather lose
Than to have never laid in the sun at all
Then I looked around
At all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself
Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous spaces bracing for bad news
Then the nurse comes round and everyone lifts their head
And I'm thinking of what Sarah said
But love is watching someone die...
So who's gonna watch you die?
So who's gonna watch you die?�
It�s sad, but what he sings is so true. It takes a lot to watch someone die.
I remember listening to the Death Cab cd while I was lying in my hospital room a few months back. I was stuck in the bed next to a total stranger who rested on the other side of the curtain that divided us. The woman on the other side of the curtain was terminally ill and didn�t speak a lick of English, so when the nurses would come and check up on her they would scream at her as if she were def.
After 3 days of screaming someone finally came in who knew how to speak Spanish and she helped communicate for the nurses and the patient. Hearing the woman�s story from behind a curtain completely broke my heart.
The woman had been dropped off into the lobby of the hospital by some random stranger who saw she needed immediate care. She was in a lot of pain and they couldn�t stop her internal bleeding. She kept asking for her husband, but couldn�t tell the nurse how to contact him because they had been separated at the airport.
As I listened to her story, the fact that the hospital admitted this woman so quickly, without any real proof of health insurance shocked me.
Listening to them talk about her admittance and how quick it all took place made me wonder if anyone was missing this woman. Did she have family somewhere that had been looking for her? Was her husband still alive? What if she died in her sleep before she had a chance to find her family?
I remember drifting in and out of sleep at the hospital and conversations going on behind that curtain somehow managed to make their way into my dreams.
I remember hearing, �There�s nothing to see over there. There�s a curtain dividing the two of you. You have plenty of privacy.�
That specific phrase somehow made me dream that I was in the movie The Wizard Of Oz, in the scene where the wizard is hiding behind his big curtain and once the Wizard appeared from behind the curtain, he turned out to be mister Kitty. In my dream, He told me I could never go back home and no one knew, or cared that I was missing.
I remember waking up with this intense fear, and feeling comforted by another 2nd hand conversation going on behind that large white curtain in my room.
It was the bilingual nurse telling the terminally ill patient that they found her husband and he was on his way up to see her. As soon as he set foot into the room the woman broke out in sobs of joy.
I found myself choking up in my bed as hope suddenly filled my heart. Although I couldn�t understand Spanish, I could hear the joy and gratitude in the woman�s voice as she spoke to her husband. The nurse brought them a bucket of soapy water and a wash rag so he could help bathe her for the first time in days. It was so sweet.
At that very moment I suddenly felt lonely and wanted nothing more than for someone to come visit me.
I drifted back into a deep sleep and was released the next morning.
I think of that night in the hospital every time I hear this song. It still amazes me how someplace that is meant to make you feel better, still brings on such intense feelings of fear and hopelessness.
I hate hospitals and can�t help but think of death every time I enter one. I can�t help but associate them with the places people go before they die.
Two of my closest friends in the medical field have told me stories of watching people die. It's so difficult for me to think about and I wonder if it's something that just gets easier with time....
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I find myself feeling somewhat hopeless tonight... Stuck in this rut as the wind is removed from my sails after Kitty threw me onto a back burner again...
I wish I could just leave this town behind...
