7:33 P.M.
Last night I met up with the girls for a typical, �girls night out�. We had a blast. It�s been a long time!
I got a phone call from a good friend today and she said she�ll be flying into town the middle of next month. I�m excited to see her, even with her sometimes-antagonistic attitude.
She loves to hear my date stories gone horribly wrong, and she cracked me up when she said,
�You burp and guys think it�s cute, you puke and guys line up to hold your hair back�.
As the words left her lips with hostility, I swore I recognized that statement from a movie somewhere so I replied, �On that note, I�m going to let you go. Hope you have a great night and we�ll talk again soon.�
She doesn�t agree with my hesitation to let myself become attached.
I admit, I still have my trepidations when it comes to dating but the more practice I get the more mundane it�s become.
Tonight I should be meeting up with a guy for dinner, but after a long day I just don�t feel like freshening up again for the 4th time! I�d much rather throw on a pair of scrubs and curl up in front of the tube and watch a movie ALONE until I fall asleep.
I had the best time hanging out with �mister cat� today. I don�t think I could have asked for anything more. I just love it when he�s in a good mood. I only wish I could lift his spirits more often. God knows I still care for him, but only he knows why because no matter how hard I try to tell him, Cat Man just isn't hearin it! I just hate having feelings that lead to, shoulda, coulda, woulda situations, where words are left unspoken. I've said my piece, so I move on.
Sometimes I still have this unexplainable need to fix him or resolve his issues. I still question how much has changed since I first met him.
He�s going out with the guys tonight, and I should probably be doing something along the same lines with the girls but I had previously made a date with some new random guy.
I honestly don�t know where this sudden popularity came on and there is still a part of me that feels I�m in WAY over my head.
Some close friends actually worry about me meeting so many new people and trying to juggle them all and continue to try to live a somewhat ordinary life.
Next week Brian comes back from Korea and he�s sent me a plane ticket to fly up to see him in Destin Beach for the weekend. What am I supposed to do? He�s already spent the money and sent the ticket.
A few months ago he called to tell me he was going to be home for a few weeks on leave. As soon as he told me he was coming home, he was so quick to ask if I was still seriously dating anyone.
Well, his question immediately followed a conversation I had with the cat man where he told me �There was no way we would ever get back together�. So, I convinced myself I was happily single long enough to share the news with Brian.
I�m not sure where he expects this trip will set us? I�m only going to see him for a day and a half and he says there�s a lot for us to talk about.
His recent letters have left me somewhat nervous about the situation at hand, because he keeps saying how I�ve become this great woman he would like to spend the rest of his life with.
I have to admit that part of me would love nothing more than being able to go to bed and cuddle with the same person every night of the week. Sometimes I miss having a steady romance.
In reality�. My romance is still so spontaneous and unpredictable.
The week following next, mister �Chicago Romance� has said he�s coming to visit for about a week. I�m not sure how to react at this point because the thrill I had on my brief trip with him is pretty much long gone.
I know it�s wrong� but I�d rather not think about it or address it.
I should just get off the couch and get out of the house for a while. If I�m out dancing, I�m not thinking about silly situations that I�ve lost control of. Or worse, I�d rather not think about how my own insecurities have managed to bring on this whole disaster.
Who am I kidding....I'm not sure I'm ready to seriousely date anyone new....
