7:15 P.M.
Over the past few months I have truly dwindled into some once foreign territory, and apparently my friends AND a new acquaintance has noticed.
He mentioned that lately�. (When he says lately, he�s referring to the last 10 days)
He said, �Lately, I have noticed you haven�t exactly been acting like yourself�.
I�m not sure where he draws this assumption from, given he hasn�t know me long at all. I can�t even say I knew who he was 6 months ago.
He continued on to say, �I mean the past 10 or so days, you have been happy but I don�t think it�s genuine. I think you are faking it for the better part of the time. It�s as if your mind is in a cloud or a deep daze. One minute we�ll be talking and you�re totally part of the conversation, and then the next you just stop arguing with me and give up. It�s as if you aren�t even a part of the conversation anymore. Where have you been? Where is your mind wandering?�
Okay� Maybe he�s right?
My mind IS wandering in and out of our conversations because I spend a lot of time wondering where he draws his silly conclusions. He doesn�t even know me!
It�s as if he only states his perception of me, to get a reaction from me to see if it�s correct. I feel that he�s totally reaching and desperate to get to know me, but wants to rush things and not take the time to get to know me for real.
Why should I even care?
It�s not like anyone else had really taken the time to get to know me. Why would I need this to be any different?
Lately, I�ve been stuck in this non-judgmental stage and ready to give pretty much anyone a chance at this point. I�m just so damn tired of trying; and I wonder what separates my own current, sad state from that of my mom�s just a few weeks ago.
I�m just so damn tired of losing.
I�m broke, I�m lonely, and have reached the border of almost dropping down into the �dumps�
My mind is a freakin� mess.
