4:58 P.M.
This totally stinks!
We were going to get a group of friends together, to go out to the club tonight and I�m honestly not feeling it.
One of my friends suggested that I force myself to go, just to try to get over the lame feeling I have when I�m in the club. It just feels like something is missing when I�m not seeing Wendell there.
�Only with time, will that feeling fade. It may never completely fade, but you can�t spend your entire weekend inside sitting on your couch watching lame movies!�
He knew the guy too, so maybe he�s right?
I�m starting to realize why it�s so hard to deal with this loss.
I feel like I had been braodsided with no warning.
We all expect that our grandparents, and someday our parents may pass away, but we often don�t think about our friends dying at such a young age.
And with family, it�s a lot different. Family is predisposed. We don�t choose our family, they are just there. We choose who we accept into our close circle of friends and often those friendship bonds with me are tighter than any bond I had formed with family members.
I mourned this same death feeling after Kitty left, but at least I was able to see him around a few times since the split.
This is just too hard sometimes.
I mean, I�ll be fine and then out of the blue think of something that reminds me of him, or hear a song that brings back old memories and I fight back the tears and feel a lump in my throat.
You always expect that family would be there if you ever fell on your ass, but sometimes that�s just NOT the way it is. Sometimes our family is the first to tell us to find someone else to burden our problems with and friends are the ones jumping in helping us through major struggles in our life.
This feeling sucks.
Thinking about the details of his accident makes me hesitant to get into my car and drive anywhere right now.
I�m supposed to be planning a trip up to Georgia for a friends wedding in a few months, and I am strongly considering flying instead of driving.
I guess with time things will get better.
I just wish I could shake this feeling I�ve had lately, or talk to someone about the whole situation without feeling like a totally depressed loser.
