1:28 A.M.
After grieving the death of a once close friend I got to thinking...
Instead of catching some Z�s, I thought a lot last night.
I started to wonder how well I know any of my friends anymore? Did I ever know them as well as I thought I did? Do you ever really truly know anyone?
I also realized that maybe my problems with mister cat could be a heck of a lot worse. It's not like he punched me in my face or broke any of my bones?...
I never really knew him anyway. What the heck do I have to be hurt over?
Everything I thought I knew and trusted was just some sort of facade to further benefit his hidden agendas.
Since his struggle to become this power hungry beast, he's become even more of a total stranger to me. He is devious and manipulative and tells me what I want to hear until he gets exactly what he wants from me.
I find it strange and humorous that last night I sat up wondering which movie character he most resembled and I couldn't come up with anything until I went to see the new flick, SUPERMAN RETURNS. The big cat has become the carbon copy of LEX LUTHER.... He's the exact opposite of the man I thought I fell for in the beginning.
Maybe he's been the exact opposite for quite some time and I chose to not see it. Maybe I was just being over optimistic about the whole thing; as I hoped he would get back to the kind man I once loved. The man I could hold and run my fingers through his hair after a long day.
Yesterday, when I questioned if he would ever see me for more than just my body he wouldn't even respond at first, and when I asked him if there would ever be anything more.... He coldly suggested that we stop hanging out if I was starting to feel confused about the situation.
Maybe he's right.
The distance may be great.
I don�t miss him until he calls or stops by, and I�ve met a lot of great guys who would jump at the chance to get close enough to me to steal a quick hug or a kiss.
I can�t help but enter any new acquaintance with caution and skepticism. I�ve managed to lose my lover AND my best friend and it sucks to think about it.
A close friend of mine suggested that my need for a guy might not exactly be a need for anyone specific. It may just be that I feel less alone when cat man is around and that is somewhat comforting.
I could really use some comfort right now.
I can't eat...
I can't sleep...
And I can't shut my damn mind off for 20 seconds!
In contrast to Lex Luther screwing up my thought process, his nemesis is scheduled to visit me very soon. The guy I dated immediately prior to mister cat will be in town again in a few weeks and I�m counting the minutes till I see SUPER MAN once again!
I'm setting my alarm in hopes to make it to church in the morning. I think I'm going to need some fuel for the inspiration to pull myself out of this most recent slump and I don't want to bring any of my friends down with my grief....
p.s.
The new movie, SUPERMAN RETURNS was absolutely amazing!!
