8:14 P.M.
Wow!
This weekend passed by like nothing at all.
The wedding was amazing, and I have so many great new memories!
It�s a shame that my cousins couldn�t stay in town longer. They provided a great distraction from the norm.
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My doctor had called Friday with some grim news and she demanded that I come in right away. I told her that my sister was getting married, and unless I was going to DIE TODAY, I wasn�t coming into her office.
I had to arrange to see her first thing Monday morning to work out the details.
It looks like my surgery is scheduled for 4 weeks from today if all goes as planned. I still have a lot of appointments leading up to the actual procedure, and hope to find a temporary fix that could decrease my need for the surgery.
The ultrasound showed the suspicion of a clot on my left side.
I went in for more blood tests today so my doctor can confirm whether or not it�s a serious blood clot. They want to try to treat it before it makes it�s way up to my heart.
I have been told and reminded many times over the past few months how lucky I am to be here. I wish I could talk more about the experience with those around me but still feel so uncomfortable with the whole incident. I understand that it wasn�t my fault, but at the same time part of me wants to believe I could have prevented it from taking place.
Since I started seeing a specialist, each time I have these stupid tests, they seem to find more and more that has gone horribly wrong.
With all of this �wrong�, I still have so much hope and faith that it will all work out in the end.
After visiting with Kathy for a bit last night, I was somewhat inspired and found direction in her spiritual advice. It�s amazing how one conversation made me want to �do more� while I still can.
I can honestly say that over the past few weeks, I�ve finally started living each day like it was my last, and I�m taking in all of the blessings in my life. I�m not afraid so much, and do believe that everything does happen for a reason. It will all work out in the end.
I am so thankful for my blessings!
I�m looking into taking a short trip for the holiday weekend, or having friends come in to visit me. We all had such an awesome time last weekend, and I�m still riding on this high I�ve found from those who were around me.
I had been listening to a song by Dave Matthews Band today, and for the first time, I listened to some of the lyrics of �Gray Street�. They truly made sense.
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Dave Sings...
�Oh, just sitting while she listens
She says I don�t need this place
It seems a million years she�s stuck here
But says nothing of what she thinks
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Oh, when I�m indifferent
She prays to God most every night
Although she swears he doesn�t listen
There�s hope in her that he just might
She says, I pray
But then my prayer fall on deaf ears
I�m supposed to take it all myself
To get out of this place.
Oh, he grows up living
He says take what you can from your dreams
Make them real as anything
It takes the work out of the courage
She said, please,
There�s a crazy man standing outside my door
I live on the corner of a dead end street
At the end of the world.
Oh, and the rocks out in the heart fall
And she dreams her way to life
And she knows no one will lift her
So she might as well do it herself
Oh, when it comes down in your loving
Oh, well then baby its right
You say you think you are nothing
No one else will do it for you
Reach up and grab hold of the sunlight
When you are waiting for what�s right
You�re holding on your heaven
Wont leave you, yeah, yeah...
And the colors mix together to gray
Wake me up, wake me up, wake me up
to gray.�
-Dave Matthews
