5:36 P.M.
Lately my sister has been pushing me to tell her who I'm planning to bring to the wedding. She assumes that I�m not bringing Kitty but continues to ask if he�s taken the cooking class she bought him for Christmas. I have no idea if he�s ever going to take that class. He couldn�t give two craps about the gift, and he probably just tossed the class in the trash.
Now with Kitty gone, I'm honestly not sure who to bring. I just know that I don't want to go alone. I've been to a wedding without a date, and it SUCKS!
You usually end up out on the dance floor participating in a 'twist' contest to keep yourself from doing what you REALLY want to do; and that's usually throwing yourself in front of the next available BUS!
After going through the break up from hell, the last thing I want to do right now is sit at a table with a bunch of other couples having to listen to them talk about their endless freakin' bliss!
I mean come on people! I don't care!
I don't have faith in true love anymore. I don't care to hear about how someone found his or her 'soul mate' anymore. I just don't buy it.
It's a bunch of crap!
Even after the unwanted break up, I still manage to talk to Kitty now and then. We still have to settle the balance for the last two power bills and once that is taken care of he will probably fall of the map into oblivion, the way most men do.
An old flame called me the other day to tell me that he�s done with his tour in the air force. I should have been happy given our history together, but I just didn�t have enough energy to even pretend to care. He expressed an interest in staying here with me for a few weeks, but all I could muster up in our conversation was, �we�ll see.�
I remember back a few years ago when I started to feel anything for Kitty. I told him my job was going to take up too much time and I tried to break things off. I told him I was moving to Tampa and we�d never get to hang out. He still hung on, and we ended up together. I was remember back when I was terrified of commitment and the thought of falling for someone and getting my heart broken. I wish I could have held my ground, so I wouldn�t need him the way I do now. We would probably be better friends, and I might still live alone, but at least I would be happy. It sucks not having him around. Who would ever think the tables would have turned... The way he�s chosen to walk away, never looking back.
How the hell is someone supposed to go to a wedding and wear a happy face when all they want to do is cry?
What I SHOULD do, is tell her I can't make the wedding. I should just not go at all....
Or better yet.
Maybe I should just RENT a wedding date like Debra Messing did in the movie, THE WEDDING DATE?
I mean if I�m going to bring anyone to the wedding now that Kitty is gone, they had better be funny, good at dancing and make for some damn good conversation.
I figure that�s the best anyone could offer at this point as a good distraction.
I�m so sick and tired of the dating game. I just want to be able to feel less empty and experience love for someone else again.
