6:16 P.M.
I was totally draggin' today. I'm surprised I didn't fall asleep in front of my computer.
I don't think I slept more than 45 minutes last night, and after 4 days of not sleeping it's starting to catch up with me.
I've been so stressed about money over the past weeks with the move, the hospital bills, the prescriptions, the costs associated with trying to make my apartment smell less like PUKE and owing mom money.
I should have never borrowed money from mom when I had to move so quickly, but I didn't have a choice. Although I've paid her back, I still feel obligated to help her with the struggles she's facing.
Now she is in a bind, and she was counting on me to come through. With my sisters wedding in the works, and mom's heart attack last weekend, she's spread too thin.
I wish there was more I could do.
I promised to get her money for her bills by Friday, thinking my bonus would be coming in but now we have a new payroll company and the money has been put off for another week.
I just can't sleep at night, worrying about my parents. I don't think I can live with the thought that a lean would be put on their house, or my parents won't get the prescriptions they desperately need if I don't get a check to them by Friday.
I've tried to come up with ideas to make a quick buck, but I'm totally stuck in a bind.
I'm so horribly embarrassed by the whole situation. Over the past few years I've gotten into temporary binds, but nothing like this. If it were just a case of assessing the fees for my late payments from the automatic deductions from my account Friday I could probably bounce back.
But now I have someone else counting on me to be there, and I can't do it.
I'm so disgusted with myself.
I obviously wasn't thinking clearly when I agreed to help, but then again we have always received our bonus the first Friday of the month.
I wish someone would have clued me in that it wouldn't be there a little sooner.
I'm so screwed.
I'm so overwhelmed.
I think it's literally making me sick.
I can't eat...
I can't sleep....
And I'm so ashamed.
It took everything I had in me to ask for my bonus to be paid the way it�s normally paid and my boss didn�t even respond, which makes me feel like an even bigger loser.
