8:26 P.M.
I feel so beat down.
It's becoming more difficult to believe that everything happens for a reason.
Why should anyone feel THIS bogged down?!?!?
This day has been total hell!
I woke up feeling like ass, went into work for a half day and then into a follow up appointment with the specialist. The �good news� was the same as �the bad news�.
�Sorry Kelly. We�ve confirmed that your pains are NOT from surgical scar tissue and the sooner we schedule your surgery the better. We have also concluded that your nausea is most likely caused by this cist and after discussing it with your other doctor, we�re pretty sure you�ll feel better after the surgery. I�m sure you could have the surgery with the same guy who did your appendectomy. It will be done with a few small incisions and you�ll be on your feet before you know it.�
Oh God, where have I heard that before?
I started to tear up and she told me to take this one step at a time.
�There are women out there who have been able to have kids with one ovary. It�s not guaranteed, but it�s happened before. Keep your head up.�
I kept thinking to myself, �Everything happens for a reason.�
I tried to choke back the tears as I walked to the reception area to schedule my next two ultra sounds. My doctors want to take one last look next month to confirm their conclusions. I�m also thinking about getting a second opinion once the ultra sound results come back.
I saw Kitty today after work. He helped me gather a few more things and bring them to the new apartment. It just feels so empty without him there. He reiterated that he �needs his space� and it breaks my heart to hear him say stuff like that. It just makes me wonder why he thinks I�m so horrible. It makes me wonder why he feels that things were more terrible than they were good. I would have done anything for him.
In other news, I feel great about one thing. I did make it to work today, even if it was only for a half day. I�m glad I dragged my butt up there. I know the guys were waiting on me to get them the trip standings for the next big trip. With all the changes in my home life, I�m sure I�ll be working on as much as I can to keep my mind distracted.
I�m a little worried and uncertain about the future.
The more time I spend at mom and dad�s place, the more I wonder how much longer I�ll be able to keep this new apartment.
Mom is going in for some serious surgery in the next month for her back and neck. With her in bed, or in a wheelchair for at least a month, someone is going to need to take care of her AND dad. I know that my grandma has always been good at getting him to appointments and from point A to point B, but I don�t know how well they would all get along for more than a week in the same house.
I don�t mind pitching in. They took care of me when I had surgery. I�m sure I will familiarize myself with the situation rather quickly, given I used to spend so much time with my dad after his surgery.
I still don�t know what I�m going to do about my own surgery but I�m going to try to do whatever I can to avoid having it! I was lucky to have had Kitty there the last time I had surgery to take care of me. This time he has completely written me out of his life, and I have no idea what I�ll do.
