4:55 P.M.
This week has been filled full of mini-pep talks but today�s pep talk outweighed them all by far.
I was so uneasy about going back so many times for all of these medical tests. My knees literally felt weak, and I felt loopy.
Today I went in to get my test results and my nerves were wrapped up so tight that I actually tossed my cookies!
The 30-minute wait in the waiting room was followed by another 30-minute wait in the treatment room.
When the doctor walked in with my chart I felt I was prepared for anything he could throw at me. I asked him about my gallbladder and he said it looked like it was going to be fine. His demeanor was somber and unattached as he read me my results.
He read me the results of the first two tests and I cried at first in relief, then I caught my breath long enough to pause for about 30 seconds. I was so happy to hear I didn�t have to rush back into surgery to have my gallbladder out! I felt a heavy weight lift from my shoulders. He told me that any remaining infection in the area of where I had my surgery could most likely be treated by medication. To ensure the medical treatment works, I�ll go in for another blood test next week.
He said he understood the grief I had after going through so many invasive tests, and puking my guts out on the way to the doctors could be expected.
When I thought the appointment was complete, I gathered my things to leave.
I casually asked about the pelvic ultrasound as I stood up and he sifted through my chart to read me the test results.
He paused much longer this time compared to the last results he gave me. His long pause naturally caused me to feel uneasy again.
He wrote out a script and said I would have to see a specialist. I started to tear up and he advised me not to get ahead of myself. He sounded confident when he said, �I now understand why you�ve been in so much pain. I can�t promise that it will work itself out. These next few weeks or months may be rough, but you�ll pull through.�
After he said his piece, he seemed a bit uncomfortable with my grief. He then asked if I was anxious or feeling a lot of physical pain. He mentioned that my hormones were probably out of whack causing me to be more emotional. This was normal given my condition, but it made me feel like walking on eggshells.
His comment made me want to try to make more of a conscious effort to control my tears and fears around others. The last thing I want is to end up in a crazy ward.
At one point, I think he was offering to write me a prescription for something to calm my nerves, but I told him I would be fine. I was too shaky to sit still.
The more time that passed, the more uncomfortable I felt sitting there crying in his office.
I tried to think of the worst thing I have been through, so I could tell myself I could get through THIS Too.
In the back of my head I kept saying, �This too shall pass! This too shall pass!�
I gathered my things and headed out to pay for my visit.
I haven�t told my parents about my test results and broke into tears before I could even finish explaining it to Kitty. I think I�m going to need a little more time before I can give them the news.
Tonight I�m going to a see a friend about home spa remedies to help calm my nerves, in hopes to help myself get a good nights rest.
