6:41 P.M.
I woke up exhausted and overwhelmed.
I still haven�t received all of the results from my past medical tests and I have a long road ahead.
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I had to drive out to a new hospital today that is further away than my normal hospital. I had to go to the new one because my resident hospital couldn�t get me in for my tests until May.
I got lost trying to find the Nuke-Med. building at the hospital. Once I found the testing center my stomach filled with butterflies and I could swear I felt more light headed. I was scared and couldn't help but wish Kitty had come to the hospital with me. If nothing else, I was hoping he could hold my hand during the procedure.
After I parked my car, I walked into the waiting room for the testing center and a short woman with short black hair was curled up in a ball in a chair. She looked up at me and smiled. I checked in with the front desk and sat next to the woman. As soon as I sat down she asked me point blank,
�If you knew tomorrow that your life would change drastically would you change anything?�
She looked like she had been crying and her voice cracked as she wiped her face and apologized.
She shook her head and said, � I�m so sorry, but I have some bad news and didn�t have anyone else to talk to.�
Her English was broken but I still understood what she was trying to say.
I started to tear up in empathy and reached out to hug her.
A nurse then walked in the room and escorted the woman out of the waiting room.
The nurse smiled and said, �Everything will be all right.� And she wished me good luck on my tests.
I had to wait another 10 minutes before my test and felt more and more anxious.
Part of me was scared and weary about having the test.......my stress was normal, given they were about to inject a small amount of radioactive particles into my body. I couldn�t stop associating the thought of �radio active particles� with thoughts of bombs or mass destruction.
Not knowing much about my test, it was difficult to grasp that injecting radioactive particles was a �GOOD THING�.
Once I was set up in the exam room, the test was uncomfortable, but wasn�t as bad as I had expected. It lasted a total of 3-4 hours.
After the test was complete, I was held for observation and all of my fears resurfaced. I felt exhausted and overwhelmed.
It seemed like an eternity passed before the hospital released me, but once I left I started to feel more normal.
Now I just wait�trying not to get ahead of myself.
I sit and wait.
Part of me just wants to curl up into a ball and cry.
