12:00 A.M.
I meant to get out and party more with friends this weekend but my head has been killing me. I can't concentrate on much of anything and I'm stuck at home.
I think I slept about 12 hours last night. I feel like such a bum. I had truly intended on going out dancing tonight but I guess my late start was no help.
Kitty and I didn't even eat dinner tonight until after 10 p.m. I don't think I've ever eaten so late.
As for Kitty, he's been in a really pissy mood, off and on lately. When I say �lately�, I mean for the past few months.
I'm at a point again where I just want to say screw it all and just walk away from the whole situation. He totally blew up on me today when I leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek while he was watching something on TV.
It wasn't like he was even "actively" watching anything specific. He was just jumping through the channels looking for something interesting to distract him for a while. Earlier he had mentioned he was going to be busy all weekend working on his homework but he still hasn't tackled that project.
I feel bad even asking him to hang out because he snaps at me and makes me feel stupid for asking him ANYTHING.
I could ask him how his day went and he still lashes out at me to shut me up.
I've been frustrated for months with the way he shrugs me off and pushes me away. It�s really eating me up inside. I feel as if something inside of me has died. I've never cared about anyone enough to actually put up with this shit for so long. I�ve never cared enough to move in with a guy. I'm left hating myself for being so into him. I'm so stupid! So fucking stupid for sticking this one out.
It's as if moving in together has made things between us turn colder than I could have ever imagined. Feelings between us are not hot AND cold, they are mostly just cold. He simply shares living space with me and shows no affection. I could get more affection from a cold wet blanket.
I need to find another apartment pretty soon. We only have a couple months left on the lease and I�ll need to start fresh to move on from this. I�ve never lived with a guy before, and I won�t do it again unless I get married.
