7:58 P.M.
I met up with Kitty today after work to look at a few apartments. While each of the units seemed so close to being perfect, each choice lacked something we just didn�t want to live without.
We discussed the pro�s and con�s of each apartment and told the leasing agent we would get back to her tomorrow to let her know which unit we would put a deposit on. Kitty seemed very impatient and disappointed in my inability to commit to any one residence that was available.
I LOVE the complex itself, but the units that are coming available really sucked. One smelled like cat pee, the other was cramped and had a poor layout, while the other had nasty carpeting that wreaked of old fish and rotten eggs.
I was just as frustrated as Kitty. I honestly wish I could just find a place to live.
I�m also very nervous about having a roomie. I have never had to split bills down the middle, where I have to depend on the contributions of someone else to help me make ends meet.
I�m meticulous about paying my bills on time and it�s difficult to trust someone else to be responsible.
Kitty states that he is totally committed to moving in together but still seems a bit shaky about the subject.
The many times that I go on to discuss the actual specific details of our big move he seems to flake out on me. He hushes my questions and tries to tell me not to worry about the details. He says, "Kell, it will all work out."
I want to believe him.
I want to believe it will work out for the rest, but mostly I just need to believe that I can cover my own ass if he gets into this with me and suddenly decides to walk.
I don't feel that I pick apart his flaws but still find myself wondering on occasion what motivates him to want to commit to moving in together?
Does he really want to do this, or is he just afraid that with all of my travels I will find someone else?
I�m conscious of my own crazy, sometime neurotic thoughts, but my own awareness doesn�t calm my silly doubts.
The truth is, I'm not looking for a replacement for Kitty.
I'm quite content either being with Kitty, or else being alone.
I just wish I could get over the stress involved in finding a place to live, it is putting a strain on our relationship and I don't know how long either of us can stick it out in these intense conditions.
