8:44 P.M.
Oh God I can't handle any more bad news.....
I shared a conversation with Pete online earlier today and he's one of the first to know about the situation.
Confirmation of bad news is never welcomed.
He thought I was down because of something a guy had done or said...
I only wish that were true.
I threw on some Ben Harper and set him on repeat as he sings,
"Waiting on an angel
One to carry me home
Hope you come to see me soon
Cause I don't want to go alone
I don't want to go alone
Now angel won't you come by me
Angel hear my plea
Take my hand lift me up
So that I can fly with thee
So that I can fly with thee
And I'm waiting on an angel
And I know it won't be long
To find myself a resting place
In my angel's arms
In my angel's arms
So speak kind to a stranger
Cause you'll never know
It just might be an angel come
Knockin� at your door
Knockin� at your door
And I'm waiting on an angel
And I know it won't be long
To find myself a resting place
In my angel's arms
In my angel's arms
Waiting on an angel
One to carry me home
Hope you come to see me soon
Cause I don't want to go alone
I don't want to go alone
Don�t want to go
I don't want to go alone............
-Ben Harper
*^*^*^*^*
Just after I signed off line I heard from Zach.
He says that he'll probably have to work part of Labor Day weekend and it wouldn't be an ideal time to come and visit.
It's ok.
I don't think I'd be able to put on a happy face for an entire weekend anyway.
Even if I were totally content having him near, I would still have this disease plaguing my mind.
He went on to tell me about his weekend and all I wanted to talk about was the news I had heard today.
He asked how my day went and I felt my voice tremble as I said, �Fine.�
Our conversation came to a halt and the air became silent.
The truth is, my dad is up there visiting my sister and I don�t need him to tell them the news before I�ve had a chance.
I also don�t want my problem to be the topic of conversation up there when I�m not even around.
About 30 seconds passed and he said, �Well Kell, I�m goanna get going. Hope ya have a good night. I�ll call you and let you know what my plans are for the holiday.�
I didn�t really care.
I said Ok, and hung up the phone.
All I wanted to do was talk.
I�m so freaking scared. I told my mom about part of the situation and she didn�t seem surprised.
Would she be surprised to find out that the problem wasn�t in the beginning stages?
I would.
Hell, two PM tomorrow can�t come soon enough for me.
Now that the disease has been identified I have to get a biopsy to determine how bad it is and where it may have spread.
I�ve been working on the book and it�s helping to distract me from my own thoughts but the truth is, all of the thoughts in this book are my own.
I read some of these stories for the first time and laugh out loud as I recall the situation as if it had happened just yesterday.
It seems that my life was so interesting when I worked in the service industry.
Maybe I should pick up a serving job on the side once a week?
