10:12 P.M.
I have had a lot on my mind lately.
I just can�t seem to think straight.
I�ve been so out of touch lately that people actually have the need to point it out to me.
�Kelly, you just seem so distant. Like you are lost out there somewhere within a thick fog. What seems to be on your mind?�
Well the thoughts that cloud my mind would surprise you because they have nothing to do with work or stress at this moment.
I am plagued with a silly question that dances around the back of my mind.
What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Ha, no!
I kid! I kid!
The real question in my mind is,
�Who did I call first at the scene of the accident?�
I honestly wonder if it was Amy or my parents.
In that terrible moment of despair and loss, I called the two people that I figured would be there first, but who did I call on first?
I thought it was my parents, but I think back to a comment that Amy made a few days after the wreck.
She said, �You were in the hospital bed and the nurse told you that you could only have ONE person stay in the room with you.�
When Amy went to walk out of the room to go sit in the waiting room with my dad, I had begged her to stay.
My mom was shocked by my insistent comment for Amy to stay because it would mean that my mom would have to leave.
Amy said, �Don�t you want your mom to stay?� and I could hear my mom start to cry in the background.
I then asked, �Can�t they both stay? And I told the nurse that neither one of them was leaving me.
I remembered the exact moment after the accident in my mind today and busted out crying in the bathroom at work for no apparent reason.
I�m just happy that the deep thought didn�t hit me while I was on the phone or sitting in front of my computer while other employees surrounded me.
The question of the first phone call had also hit me just before I got to meet up with Amy tonight for dinner.
I wanted to ask her, but wasn�t even sure if she knew the answer to my question.
After our already touchy conversation tonight I felt that my question was probably a little out of line. We had both already cried. I wanted her to know how much my friends meant to me but this may not have been the time or place to bring it up.
I just think to myself, �There was a moment that I was in that hospital bed where I was so distraught and confused. I wasn�t sure which way was up and the first person I wanted next to me was Amy. I figured that if anyone could tell it to me straight it would have been her, and I was so scared of dying at that very moment.�
It�s hard to pin point any ONE thought that runs through your mind when you think you�re life may be coming to a close because so much passes you by at a rapid rate of time.
I feel as if I had a chance to think about an eternity of mistakes and blessings in just those few moments where I thought I could die and I held my friends and family so close.
At first I worried about how I would pay the medical bill for ridding in an ambulance, but soon remembered that I was probably covered under insurance.
Then I was thankful for the fact that I had a supportive work staff and a job with health insurance.
In a splattered moment of gratitude and defeat, I asked my mom to call my boss to tell him that I wouldn�t be at work in the morning. I also had her tell Logan that I was sorry that I forgot his birthday.
(The day after the accident was a holiday and I wouldn�t have been to work anyway, but my boss surprisingly understood when my mom called to wake him up in the middle of the night to tell him of the accident)
More thoughts of gratitude ran through the abyss of my mind.
There were so many nights I sat up wondering when Amy would finally make it home, and now that she had finally made it here I wasn�t ready to say goodbye.
She had worked so hard for so long just to make it home.
It was mostly those few thoughts that gave me the courage to fight through some of the worst physical pain I have felt in my lifetime.
My grandfather always told me, �Don�t put off until tomorrow, what you can finish today,� and I couldn�t have believed that more than I do here today.
I still look at the picture of the wreck and have to pinch myself, as I�m thankful to still be standing here ON MY OWN TWO FEET today�
