10:53 P.M.
I was watching �Joan Of Arcadia� again tonight. It�s slowly becoming a weekly ritual that is sadly replacing the gratification I once found in a Sunday service at the church down the street.
It�s sad but true. The issues that Joan struggles with closely resemble the stories that Scott once told to total strangers in the Sunday service. Scott was great at telling stories. He never failed to paint a clear picture. You almost felt as if you were in the room as the events he was describing were taking place.
"Joan Of Arcadia" was great tonight. I watched for an entire hour as Joan struggles with doing what�s right rather than what she desires. She takes one for the team when she turns down this guy she has been involved with to teach an art class for abused children.
When she breaks plans with her best guy buddy to teach the class he is faced with finding someone to take to the concert.
Joan is about livid when she finds that he chooses to take a girl that she can�t stand.
She is tortured while watching this girl fall madly for her friend as she is just coming to terms with her own feelings of affinity for him. Not only does this other girl dig her guy friend, he totally digs her.
Watching the relationship bloom between his best man and the girl she loathes rips her apart inside.
At the end of the show she is forced to walk away from the whole situation accepting the situation, no matter how sucky it truly is.
It brought back memories of heartache I had felt many times over again.
I hold my friends closer than any other tangible article in my life. My friends are my lifeline, my friends are my family.
I truly want to see them happy, but it�s hard to give up that time you once spent with them.
I�m often reminded of my sacrifice every time I run into Pete or Michelle in a public place. It�s not that I wanted to date him, I just didn�t want to see him dedicating all of his free time to someone else.
I haven�t seen Pete since the Christmas party, and I probably won�t see him again until next Christmas.
I only want to see him happy, and I wouldn�t want him hanging around just because he wanted to avoid hurting my feelings. I don�t want to make my friends more sensitive to my own selfish needs, so I don�t even bother to call him anymore. It�s just not right. He doesn�t need a best friend now that he has Michelle.
I look ahead and find it hard to accept that the same situation will regretfully approach with Troy and I. Someday I won�t be on his weekly call list. Someday he will no longer need me to answer questions and give my honest advice for his personal problems.
There is a point in life where I will no longer have a purpose in his life and I will become a secret burden.
I analyze the situation and it�s much harder to let go of your close friends than it is to accept that your ex boyfriend or girlfriend has moved on and forgotten all about you.
There is something sentimental to be said about a good friendship. As much as you want to believe it will never fade, eventually the long dreaded uncomfortable pause will arrive causing distance to come between the lives of even the best of friends�.
I've had a lot on my mind with the stresses of moving out. I shouldn't be concentrating on the negativity brought on by the thought of losing my friends, but as the distance grows, my hope begins to fade.
I need inspiration at this very moment. I want and need to believe this is all going to work out for the best.
All of this hard struggle will soon lead to greater success and happiness in my life.
I've told myself tonight that I'm going to make the attempt to get to church on Sunday. It's been a while since I've made it into a Sunday service and it may do me a lot of good.
I've had a cloud of confusion in my mind and I don't even know where to start when it comes to facing the stress that has danced it's way into my life recently.....
Tomorrow's another day, and I'm off to bed early....
Good Night Moon....
