11:37 P.M.
I packed all day long. I invited Jen and Heidi over to rummage through some of my old things that have become meaningless over time.
I came up with 4 bags of clothes and now I�m working on the sentimental memorabilia that once warmed my heart when it was plumaged by the winter�s cold.
I�ve poked around through old photos, jewelry, ticket stubs, brochures and autographs from the famous people I once looked up to.
I�ve found it harder to breathe lately. I�m not sure but I think it may be a side effect of all the emotions stirred about by this crap that I�ve kept packed away for so long.
I had been thinking of my aunt Connie all day after I found a picture of us playing cards on a Sunday evening after church.
I know she hasn�t been well and I�ve worried about her since her dad died just a few months back.
Out of the blue Connie called tonight.
�Hey there. Long time no chat. I just wanted to call to say goodbye.�
Goodbye? I was confused. She lives up north, nowhere near my small southern town.
�I�m having a series of surgeries tomorrow. The doctor isn�t sure what to expect. As you well know, my diabetes has pretty much eaten the majority of my body. The doctors tell me that I need a lot of work done. I have gangrene in my legs and my organs are shutting down at a rapid pace. I really wish I could see you guys one last time, but I guess this phone call will have to do. I hold you close to my heart and I have always kept you and your family in my prayers.�
I started to cry. I couldn�t help it. She was so blunt. She has reached a point in her life where there really is no point in sugar coating life anymore. She has honestly accepted her destiny, and she still manages to carry on with her daily activities. She has been told so many times that tomorrow is her last day that she just stopped listening to the doctors. She�s been alive much longer than originally predicted.
Last year she went through a really hard time.
After being with the same man nearly her whole life she was diagnosed with brain aneurisms. She went in for the same experimental surgery that my dad went through and came out much better than expected. Although she came out happy and healthy, her husband wasn�t willing to wait out the recovery period. He left her high and dry and no one is willing to forgive him but her. She seems so understanding with an absence of common bitterness.
As I thought deeply about the things I have been told about her health I cried, and handed the phone to my dad. He talked with her for about thirty minutes and started to wrap up the conversation. As he hung up the phone he started to cry and headed back to his room.
It hurts just as much to watch him suffer. He�s always been close with Connie. They were great friends growing up.
My mom, she was never one to understand. She pretends to be a rock and ignores the emotion displayed by everyone in the house around her.
*^*^*^*
It�s getting late, and I�m up early again in the morning.
I have received an overflow of bad news and it�s killing me inside. It�s keeping me from dealing with other things that would normally be so important.
So much sorrow and frustration has entered my life in the past few weeks and I haven�t taken the time to sit down and reflect on the events.
The emotion builds up inside and I become a ticking time bomb�.
I turn 25 in a week. I normally plan something with my friends, but the more that reality gets in the way, the less I feel like partying, or celebrating.
Not everything has been sunshine and rainbows. I have to push on. I�ve got to keep a smile on my face.
I�m praying for a miracle. I�m going to need one to get through these next few weeks�
