5:01 A.M.
This cold weather is doing a number on my boobs. I swear they feel as if they are going to burst right out of my chest!
I can�t sleep like this!
Damn!
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Today was a big day. I got all the papers together to get moved into my new place.
I looked around for home supplies.
Just before I went to pick up Amy, Curtis called me from Colorado. He sounded so excited about the wedding in May. I only wish I could be there for him. He�s a great friend and I�m so happy he found someone to spend his life with.
We talked for about 20 minutes about the situation and then he flipped topics on me.
�Kell, what about you? Have you talked to Ben lately? What ever happened? Do you think you�ll ever see him again?�
I don�t really talk to Ben much, but he did write me the other day to tell me how things are going for him up in Chicago. I never made it back to see him so he probably thinks I�m a putz!
�Well Kell, I�m taken and I know you remember the promises you made way back when. You told Troy that you would marry him if you didn�t find someone by the time you were 26. You only have one year to find someone. You�d better start crackin!�
I rolled my eyes and secretly thought of Ben.
�I wonder if Ben would have ever worked out? I mean, if we lived closer and had a similar schedule�.�
Oh forget it.
My boobs hurt!
I can�t think straight.
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Amy and I hit up the club scene tonight and had a great time. Gemini put us on the guest list but we spent most of the time dancing. We didn�t even say hello until just before we left to go get some pizza. He seemed off in his own world, which seemed to bother Amy. She said that she was disappointed because she�d like to see us hook up, but then again that�s not what it�s all abooot. I don�t think I�m actually looking to hook up with him. I mean, get real. He smokes, and has extra curricular activities that I could never participate in. Why waste my time.
It was only a dream. I would love to keep the dreams coming but I sincerely doubt he is anything like what he was in my dreams.
I don�t even want to find out.
I would much rather concentrate on someone who will make me happy and not smother me all at the same time.
I�m starting to wonder if he even exists out there?
On one hand I�m tired of looking, yet I don�t want to settle down with any of the guys I�ve already met.
I want to find that spark you feel when you first meet someone and you can�t get them off your mind.
I want the insomnia; I want the lack of appetite caused by a rush of dopamine in my brain!
Bring on the pain!
I�ll find it, I�ll find it again, and when I do I�m settling down.
I�m tired of.
Oh never mind.
It�s late and I need some rest.
I have so much to get done in the morning!
