1:05 A.M.
I�ve never really enjoyed flying much.
As a matter of fact I HATE flying!
The only thing that got me flying again for the 1st time was loyalty to a promise.
My best friend Shanna had moved away to Canada and she doubted that we�d ever spend another day together.
She said, �Kelly, when I�m gone, you�ll make new friends and you�ll forget all about me.�
I didn�t forget, and to prove that statement I decided to go visit her in Canada on my first break from school since she had left for Windsor.
My extreme fear of flying had kept me from attending so many family reunions in the past and I was tired of the fear of flying keeping me from the things and people that I love.
Before the trip I asked everyone�s advice. I needed to know the ultimate anxiety killer!
I wanted to see Shanna so badly but I was miserable thinking about getting on a flight to Canada.
I don�t know whether it�s the thought of having no control while I�m up so high in the air, or if I actually have a fear of crashing.
I think back to all of the advice I was given and most of the advice was supersticous.
Christina told me to breathe in confidence and breath out fear.
My aunt told me to place my right palm on the outside of the plane for good luck.
My psychology teacher advised me to count to ten forwards, and then backwards each time I thought I could possibly freak out.
There was really only one ounce of substantial advice I received before my trip and it came from one of the most unexpected sources on the planet.
I remember the Tuesday before my flight I went up to Insomnia and sat down at a table with pessimistic Mark. If anyone knew misery it was him!
Mark went on to tell me that no one that he has ever met really enjoys flying, but his father was a pilot.
"Kell, wise up! Statistically speaking most crashes happen in the first and last five minutes of every flight."
He also pointed out that during the first and last few minutes in a plane there is a fasten seatbelt sign that is ALWAYS illuminated. After the light goes out, there is a distinct DING sound. That DING sound signals to the flight attendants to bring out the juice cart because the pilot has gained complete control over the flight.
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The day of the flight I packed a book, my clothes, a CD player and all of my favorite CD�s.
I walked through the terminal to my flight and took those deep breaths that Christina had mentioned. However, I took way too many deep breaths and ended up hyperventilating before I ever made it to the plane.
I was the last to board the plane and my stomach was in knots.
As I boarded the plane I placed my right hand on the outside of the plane and it was freezing cold. I glanced over at the passenger windows and they were frozen solid with icicles.
My stomach tightened and all the blood rushed to my head. I finally got to my seat and clenched the arms.
I swear I could have tossed my cookies.
I counted to myself over and over again and nothing seemed to calm my nerves. I pulled out my CD player and shuffled through my CD�s. I was so nervous that I couldn�t decide which CD to listen to. I would listen to 30 seconds of a song and frantically sift through the disks to find something else to listen to.
We taxied the runway for what felt like an eternity, and finally we made it off the runway.
I crossed my fingers and bowed my head forward. I put my head between my knees and kept counting.
I turned up the music on my CD player and tried my best to relax.
I counted for about 10 more minutes and decided to sit up and look around.
Sweat beaded up on my brow and I felt very light headed.
I reached over to my stack of CD�s and changed the disk. I sat back and glared at the fasten seat belt sign. I crossed my fingers and waiting for the music to begin again.
Before the first song started, I heard that ever so sweet, DING!
My heart sank into my stomach.
I thought to myself, �That�s it!�
�We�ve made it. We�ve made it past the statistical disaster time span! I�m going to be fine�
The stewardess came around with her juice cart and I allowed my body to relax.
I listened to my CD�s for hours and didn�t even notice when the FASTEN SEAT BELT sign came on when it was time to land.
I had allowed myself to relax, and actually forced myself to get over my fear of flying.
I spent 10 years avoiding a plane, and that day, THAT wonderful day I faced my fear of flying.
I can�t describe how great it felt to let go and not be so afraid.
Hell, I still get a little edgy about flying but it�s always comforting to hear that chaos calming, �DING!�
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I guess I thought about that one incident tonight because I was relating it to the fear of never finishing school.
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My whole life has been a series of anxieties where I�m just waiting to hear that �DING� to tell me that I�ve made it through.
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I can�t believe it�s the end of my final semester in college!
I thought it would never happen.
I am still so stressed about it. I have one more final exam on Wednesday and it�s the hardest exam of my entire college career.
My stomach is in knots and I�m anxiously awaiting that �DING� to tell me that I have finished, that I have finally walked away with my certified college degree�.
