10:36 P.M.
There are probably a million reasons why I don�t like ridding in any vehicle with my mom.
I just have a hard time being stuck in a small-enclosed space with the crazy lady.
Today was another reminder why I hate ridding in the car with mom.
Lets just call this explanation, �20 years.�
For 16 years I had to put up with this shit because I couldn�t drive, and then after that I had to bargain my way around it because I didn�t get my first car until I was 20.
Now that I have my own car, I NEVER DRIVE ANYWHERE WITH MOM, if I can avoid it.
(Tonight I only considered riding in the same car as mom because it's her birthday.)
Tonight we all piled into the car to go out to celebrate moms� birthday.
She decided she wanted to go to a seafood restaurant on the beach, which meant we would have at least a 30-minute drive to the closest eating-place.
We pulled out of the driveway and she cranked up the air to about 50 degrees too cold!
Then she turned on the only radio station with more commercials in a ten-minute period than the super bowl.
We were only 2 miles from home and I wanted to rip my hair out.
I was sitting in the back and I noticed that the light up ahead had turned red. Mom didn�t slow down, she pushed on the gas. I was a bit confused at first, but then I remembered, �Mom is a damn BAD driver!�
She got to the light and did one of those �brake check� stops where you better not be chewing gum or else it ends up in your hair.
She leaned back and asked, �Hey Kell, what�s the fastest way to get to the beach from here?�
I wanted to throw up, but instead I replied, �Take a right here, and then take Douglas, avoid Alt. 19, because there is going to be construction and traffic.�
She nodded as if she understood.
She turned left.
I had to ask, �Mom, where ya going?�
She smiled, �we�re going to take Belcher.�
What the hell was she thinking? Belcher doesn�t even take you towards the beach; she was now traveling AWAY from the beach.
�So mom, does this mean we�re NOT going to the beach?�
She gripped the steering wheel and jolted to a sudden stop again as an elderly woman cut us off in the right lane.
�Mom, why did you bother to ask me the quickest route if you intended to drive right into a traffic jam?�
All I could think was, �Damn idiot!�
I should have never agreed to ride with them.
About four sudden stops later mom was driving through heavy construction in some back alley of Dunedin.
Mom took all these winding back roads further and further into the mess of construction.
25 minutes later she finally made it to Douglas.
We could have been at the beach 10 minutes ago, but NO�. Mom had to fart around in construction.
She drove down Douglas through Clearwater, passing the main bridge that takes you over to the beach.
�Mom, where ya going?�
She replied, �Clearwater Beach. You told me to take Douglas�
�Well mom, if you were going to the beach you missed your exit 5 minutes ago. And just for the record I told you to take Douglas about 30 minutes ago before you got lost!�
She turned the car around and started screaming that she was giving up and driving home.
My dad begged her to calm down so we could just eat dinner.
She spazzed out and threw a fit saying I ruined her birthday.
Well I didn't even want to go to dinner with them. They normally leave me at home when they go out to celebrate. I don't know why they decided to invite me along this time. They sure's hell don't enjoy the company!
There is no excuse for this crap! She�s lived here for about 25 years and she�s been going to the beach ever since she�s moved here.
Where the fuck is my mom�s brain?
After we made it to the main causeway, mom decided she was going to drive 55 in a 20 completely jumping a curb and blaming her carelessness on anything but herself.
I was so ready to puke.
When we got to the restaurant, I was sure I would toss my cookies.
We didn�t talk most of the meal. She was pissed because she got lost and she had no clue where she was going.
I don�t know what she ate for lunch today, but what ever it was, it ate her. Her brain has completely gone astray.
After mom's over dramatic scene on the car ride to the restaurant she decided that she wasn't going to drive us home. She threw her keys at me and said, "There! You drive!"
I got into the driverside and began the trip home.
Mom's car rides like a marshmallow, and is as wide as a large boat.
God, I hate moms' car!
That beast has about as much grace as a bull in a china shop!
The trip home wasn't as stressful as the ride there. Both of my parents ended up falling asleep, and we made it home just short of 25 minutes.
I�m home now and the only thing I can say about tonight is, �NEVER AGAIN!�
