10:15 P.M.
A man in a funny hat scurried over to Ryan�s direction. He pulled at his sleeve and gestured for him to come in a little closer. He whispered something into Ryan�s ear, and Ryan�s face lit up. He smiled and shook his head, �no�.
He was glowing when he walked up to me and said hello.
He whispered, �My friend over there just asked if you were my girlfriend. I told him no, but that you were a very close friend of mine. I also mentioned that although you may not be my girlfriend, you are my future wife�.. You just aren�t aware of it yet.�
I rolled my eyes, thinking, �yeah right! What psychic fed you this information? Have you been smoking the dopes and calling Miss Cleo late at night again? What did I tell you about making phone calls after 9 pm?.�
I smiled when he walked away, and the man in the funny hat noticed my facial expression. He smiled back and motioned with his lips to say, �I knew it.�
Knew what? What does he know? Am I Missing something here?
The idea that there was something being said that I didn�t know the details about sort of bothered me.
Ryan tried to hang out for a few minutes. We shared a conversation about our plans for the next few weeks. We�re both keeping very busy.
I told him about my new job and all the things I had wanted to accomplish before I was 25.
He looked somewhat bitter when he mentioned he was turning 25 in a little over a month.
After our short conversation, he went back to serving the other customers who had been there far longer than me.
I sat up at the bar and ordered water while waiting for Heidi to return my calls. We had made plans earlier this week to go out after I had met with my study group.
I waited, I waited, and then I waited some more.
I looked at my watch, �9:30, I should head home to get ready JUST IN CASE she decides to call.�
I stood up from the bar and began to walk out of the restaurant.
Ryan ran up to me as I was leaving, �Kell, let me walk ya out. Stop me at any time. I was thinking that maybe we could get together after I get out of work. What do ya think? I haven�t seen ya in a long time and it would be good to hang out and catch up on a few things.�
I replied, �Ryan, we just spent 10 minutes catching up.�
�Kelly, I�d like to spend time with you. Is that such a bad thing?�
What the hell is going on here? Are the planets aligned causing some glitch in my biorhythms?
I smiled and told him the truth.
�I have school early in the morning, I work tomorrow night, I work on Saturday, and then I leave town on Sunday.
We probably won�t be able to hang out any time in the near future, but thanks for asking.
Have a good night�
He leaned in to give me a hug and I turned away.
�Hugs and kisses?�
Huh?
What did he just say?
He looked disappointed when I looked at him like he was from another planet.
I gave him a hug and walked to my car.
As soon as I put the key in the ignition, �Love Soon� by John Mayer started playing on the stereo.
I thought to myself, �Oh no, not him too. I would have loved to have had something with him in the past when we had first met, when he seemed so focused, and before the dopes and the party scene took over his life.�
I do miss the old Ryan. I probably would consider him as more than a friend if he could get his shit straight, but I don�t see that happening any time in the near future.
He, like a lot of the other guys I know, puts his long-term goals on the back burner because he has so many things going on at once.
He says he wants to quit smoking.
He says he wants to finish school.
He says he doesn�t want to be a server.
He says he wants a real job.
He says he wants to start investing in a future with just one girl.
He says he�d like to start a career.
He says so much, but has so little initiative to turn his intentions into a reality.
I still love the time spent with him. He�s great for conversation, and in the back of my mind somewhere I know I used to consider him so much more than what he has let himself become.
Sometimes I think I love so much about him and it's difficult to mask. Other people see it in our eyes when we simply share conversation.
I've found him actually looking into my eyes, starring for just a moment and then looking around to make sure no one else had recognized.
I'm not worried about it. I'm comfortable telling total strangers that we're not an item. It doesn't make me feel estranged to point it out when others ask their silly questions.
He's not something on my to-do list. We may never be an item, and I'm fine with that but after all this time, I've figured something out.
While I was watching him tonight, I realized that he�s just like this dried up, potted plant, that no one bothered to water.
He's lost some of the comfidence that used to make him appear so attractive.
I don't know what it is, but something about him has changed. Something is missing.....
