10:36 P.M.
Ok, I've been a bit upset lately over the things that I can't control.
I've finally confronted my mom about my dad's deteriorating condition.
My mom says that there isn�t much we can do because she has to work to pay the bills, and she�s not even able to do that on her own. She�s borrowed huge sums of money from her brothers and sisters, and even my little sister who lives up in Ohio.
My dad has spare time, but he�s not aloud to drive in his condition.
Mom says that rehab would be an option if she had money, but she can�t even pay the mortgage.
I�m so overwhelmed.
I know I'm always talking about getting the hell out of Dodge, but once again the needs of others have found their way to surpress my own. I am definitely going to take this new job so I can get my dad back into rehab!
My mom spends her time working or sleeping.
Her depressive condition isn�t getting any better through all of this.
Sometimes I even think she�s gone crazy.
She doesn't deny that he isn't improving. In fact, she said that she had a talk with my dad's best friend yesterday and he said that my dad is doing much worse than my mom had even realized.
They were having a conversation the other day while they were out on a walk and my dad had asked the same question about 4 times in a 20 minute period.
I told her about a similar situation I had noticed last weekend when he had asked me the same question a few times within a few minutes.
I started crying.
I feel so helpless.
It's sad because our conversation had only been stimulated by a phone call we received just a few minutes ago. I've never really been close to my mom. As far back as I can remember there has always been a feeling of animosity between us.
Tonight has been crazy. My dad was supposed to spend the week in Key West with my aunt and my grandma, but the trip has just gone sour. It turns out that my aunt got drunk tonight and started throwing stuff at my grandmother and my dad, so they are on the road now trying to drive home in the rain.
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
They are driving 30 miles per hour in the pouring rain, and they have at least an 8 hour drive ahead of them.
My grandmother is NOT allowed to drive after the streetlights come on. It says that on her license, and there is NO exception. She just can't drive at night! She has night blindness.
FUCK!
Even worse, my dad has control of her car right now. Yes, dad is driving. He is NOT aloud to drive since his brain surgery.
I am so pissed at my aunt right now!
I'm so angry over the things I can't control!
I want to scream, but all I can do is cry and beat the hell out of my pillow!
