2:08 A.M.
I just realized that I made it through "week one" alive.
I'm still alive.
After everything I have done to this frail body of mine, I am still living and breathing.
We won't recap what I have done to try to destroy myself this past week because it's not worth talking about.
I've decided instead that I will set some goals.
#1-Get a real job. Yes, get a job that I can call a career. I'm going to take this bull by the horns and ride it all the way home,
Which brings me to goal number DOS!
"Dos", (Thank you dinguspie!), is Spanish for two. I'm going to learn some more Spanish this semester, even if it kills me!
Number three-which also stems from number one. Moving out! I will start packing my things this week. I will pack slowly and be ready by December to get the hell out of Dodge. I've decided that even if I'm just moving an hour away for this new job in Pasco, I can escape some of the daily things that have become my reality.
#4- Plan a vacation. No really, PLAN a vacation. Don't just say, "Yeah, I need a vacation."
I'm going to plan something spectacular.
I'm going on a cruise, I'm going to an airport, or I'm driving at least 6 hours away from home.
#5-Don't run from love so quickly. The next person that I find I can tolerate, I'm keeping them around for a bit longer.
Which brings me to number 6- I'm not taking any steps backwards.
I think this is the most important step. I have a habit of missing things from my past and wanting to put them back into my life again. Well, there is a reason the past is the past, and the present is the present, and it has no use for me in the future. Just let it go.
Walk away and let it go.....
I know it's a bit late for New Years resolutions, but I have a lot on my mind.
I figure if I can focus on something other than crap, I may be able to finish more of the things I start.
My talk with Steve earlier tonight is what inspired me to take note of my goals.
He set simple goals in the beginning and now he's got his stuff more together than anyone I have met.
Ok, there is a number 7.
#7-FINISH SCHOOL! THIS SEMESTER! No dragging my feet! Even if I stay out all night partying, I�m going to get up the next morning for class.
8- Fix some of the things on my car that have gone kerplunk. Yes, I'm going to attempt to beautify my baby. We're going to fix the antenna, the trunk latch, the glove compartment, the brakes, the CD player, the speakers, the carpeting and the upholstery!
9-I will think for myself, and stop obsessing over the things I cannot change, and change the things I can still control. Another part of this resolution includes thinking for myself a little bit better. I've found myself feeling guilty about decisions based on the reactions of others and I'm tired of it. I can't change the way they will feel about my decisions. While I work my way down this list, I'm not going to do some of the things that other people do, just to get by.
And last but not least,
#10-Do something creative with my spare time!
I don't care weather it's throwing a stained glass window together, making hemp necklaces, or sculpting that block of clay in the corner of my room before it dissolves into sludge...
Ok, it's not going to dissolve.
(There is still that 50lb. block of clay sitting in the corner of my room waited to be sculpted, but having it sit another year won't do it any harm. It's just dirt! It's not going to get up and walk away. It's just waiting for me to finish what Troy urged me to start.....)
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Ok, maybe I'll never make it all the way down the list to number ten, but notice that I didn't mention things such as:
quit smoking
quit doing drugs
quit eating too much
or work out more....
I don't relate to the most popular resolutions some people make.....
I figure if I can just keep my head on straight, I should be able to meet most my goals with no problems...
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Ryan Just called and I'm going to start working on #6 this weekend. Instead of going out to meet him for breakfast, I'm going to sit in bed and finish reading my book, or do some more studying for class on Monday... Ryan is another part of my past, and I don't know where he would ever fit into the super, fantastic, picture of my future...
