4:53 A.M.
Wow�.. What a night!
It started off when I locked my keys in my car WHILE IT WAS RUNNING.
I've been on my last nerve all damn week!
I didn�t get out of class until after 10 p.m.
Kitty and some other people have been driving me absolutely nuts lately. He called earlier asking what I was doing and I felt like he actually had the nerve to CHECK UP ON ME! He asked where I was getting my oil changed so that he could come up there, and I felt that was a desperate attempt to hang out. I wasn't just getting the oil changed in my car, I was trying to start my biology project so that I didn't have to call into work this weekend. My friends just don't understand the dedication that school takes....They just can't take the hint that I need my own space. Now that school has started, I'm lacking the spare time I once had. It's even worse now than it was for summer session.
I have no clue when I will find the time to finish all of my school projects.
I'm actually considering dropping school all together! What do I honestly have to prove. Finishing school won't make me a better person... I'm so frustrated! Dammit!
I sent Kitty an email which I thought was pretty self explanatory early in the evening and received a message from him where he was asking questions� I'm tired of reporting back to him telling him where I am, and when I will be available. It makes me not want to see him. I don't even have to check up with my parents...
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Well, class went rather well. It went much better than expected. My math teacher rocks! He�s got stories about everything. It turns out that he was in the band that sang the song, �Hot Rod Lincoln.� Rock on!
Not only is he a musician, he was an engineer for Honeywell.
I love his stories. It sounds like he has been everywhere and seen most everything.
He gave us a speech tonight talking about the difference in working hard, and working smart.
After hearing his speech, I�ve pretty much decided to accept the job offer. Money isn�t everything, but it will help me to get out on my own to take care of my self. I�m tired of relying on others. I wish I were strong enough to move away and start all over without all of the bad memories that haunt me around here. I'm constantly reminded that I just can't escape my past and it's driving me crazy..
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After class I was driving around Clearwater avoiding going home. I knew I wouldn�t be able to sleep with everything that has been on my mind lately.
Jess called and told me that they were having a few people over tonight so I decided to stop by. Dre, Stephanie and her man, Ryan, Jess, and I all sat around the table talking for a while and started up a game of �Asshole�. Go figure, I was the asshole all night. HUGE SURPRISE! (I had already started out the night feeling like the biggest asshole on the planet when I decided that I wanted to be happily single for the rest of my life�)
Happily single isn�t all it�s cracked up to be.
I don�t know what I was missing?
I sat there and watched Steph. And her man, and they seemed so much more perfect together than I have ever been with any man.
After sorely losing the card game I decided to stick around for a while until I sobered up.
We sat around watching, �Old School�, which was another movie that I swore I would NEVER watch, NO MATTER WHAT!
Jess, swore to me that it would be a good flick, and so far his judgment hasn�t failed me.
The movie wasn�t as lousy as I had expected.
After the movie I looked at the clock�
DAMN!
4:00 a.m., I�ve got to head home!
�Yeah, Kell, you should get some rest. If you want you can crash here��
No, I picked up my stuff and headed out.
I had such a great time chilling and playing cards. I haven�t done that in ages. I hope to make it a regular occurrence! Those guys are great!
I came home and checked Kitty's blog and it's no surprise that he sites the break up in tonight's posting. He actually had the nerve to say, "the least she could have done was given me some goodbye nookie....", which just proves that he is just like all the rest. First of all he accuses me of screwing around, which would NOT happen. The reason I broke things off is because I don't want that sort of intimacy with ANYONE!... He tried to take pride in being, "THE BETTER MAN", but he's proven that what ever we had was nothing more than a piece of ass....What a fucking joke! I've probably always been a joke to him and his friends....The only response I have for him and his silly posting is, "Go ahead and believe what you want. If it makes you feel better to think that I left you for another man, SO BE IT! But that isn't what this is about. I could care less about having a boyfriend right now, and I'm not looking to replace you in any means."
God, I'm so tired of crying.....It is days like these where I'm so tired of trying... I want a way out...
Let me rest...
Well, I�m finally off to bed if I can shut my brain off for at least an hour. I need to relax. I have to work again tomorrow, and it�s going to be a busy weekend�.
