7:01 P.M.
Well I was supposed to baby-sit tonight, but it turns out that Logan has football practice. It's a makeup practice because the last few practices have been rained out and tomorrow night is supposed to be a big game against a team that they have never beat.
As for me, I've just rescheduled my time with them until Sunday. I figure I'll have the whole day off, and then I can head over to hang out with the kids.
I can't sleep lately.
These issues with school just keep on keeping on. I just can't escape the pressure I've been under lately.
I just found out that my grandma is sick again. She keeps getting sick, and there isn't much that the doctors can do. I've seen a lot of the same issues going on with friends and I have always wondered in the back of my head what they must be going through, and now I know.
I called grandma today because I was worried when I heard that she hasn't been working much. She says that she's still paying the bills just fine and she's not worried about not having "play money". Her voice was so weak, and she sounded pretty drained. I feel bad for her. She spends most of her free time worrying about my crazy aunt, and her silly addictions.
Sometimes I wish my worries were just that simple.
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I took dad out for lunch today at the restaurant. I asked him about his last doctor�s visit and he didn't have much information to offer.
I've overheard mom talking about his lack of progress and it breaks my heart.
Since I have been living my life full time, I haven't spent much time home with dad. He seems to be slipping more and more back into the slum he was trying to avoid around the time of his brain surgery.
His short-term memory has taken a total dump. I had realized how bad things have gotten when we were talking at lunch. He actually asked me 5 times what he had just ordered for lunch. Each time he asked what he had ordered for lunch he asked as if it were the first time he had asked, and he had no recollection of asking me the first few times.
I looked around the restaurant several times in our conversation trying my best not to cry.
I looked up at the sky outside of the restaurant and dad kept mentioning that it looked like it was about to rain.
The third time my dad mentioned that it looked like it would storm I had to run to the bathroom to dry my tears. I didn't want anyone to see me crying.
We shopped around a bit after lunch and headed home. On the way home my car started acting funny. It turns out that someone had stolen a few lug nuts from my tires.
Yippee!
I stopped at the auto parts store to replace the lug nuts and now I'm home.
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I could sure use a distraction.
I have a million and one things on my mind right now and I don't want to deal with any of it.
I want to break ties with anything, and everything around me. I want to rebel, but I have no clue what I'm rebelling from.
I want to pretend I'm someone else.
I don't want to be held accountable for anyone else's happiness or mental and emotional demise.
I just want to be happy, without so many strings attached.
I want something new to divert my attention from the crap that has become my every day life.
I want to run as fast as I can, as far as I can, and never turn back!
