3:18 P.M.
I went up to the school today to try to soften the blow of my transfer in the spring.
I have a pile of paperwork to sift through and finish before the end of the month.
It's all happening so fast.
*****
Steve brought up the job offer again. He said that he's thinking of starting me at the end of next month, so he wants me to reschedule my classes appropriately. In his opinion, the sooner I start the better. My insurance and benefits will kick in before Christmas, I will have the money to compensate for that Independact Contractor contract that I signed for my last job, I'll have a chance to get a Christmas bonus, and I'll be living on my own and taking care of myself a little better.
I have thoughts running through my head that don't belong there clogging up my focus.
I keep thinking, "Can I actually sacrifice everything to move forward?
THE MONEY! Where am I going to make that kind of money out in the REAL WORLD!?
I could pay off my bills for good!
Less worries in my life!
Will my dad make it without me taking care of him?
Will my mom jump in and take my place the way that she should?
Will I ever see my friends after I pick up and move 40-60 miles from home?
Will I ever finish school?
Is it supposed to be this damn hard?"
All this thinking is making me nuts!
I need a mentor. Someone to tell me, "Hey, slow down there fool! I've been through this transition a million times before. You're stressing out over nothing."
There's more to it than that, but I can't discuss everything right now. I wish I could jot it all down, just to get more of the junk out of my head.
I'm already running late for work again, so I'd better wrap this one up.
****
Maybe this is going to be a good change?
Maybe I should stop fighting this?
It may not be exactly what I'm looking for, but I'm sure I will meet more people and maybe they can point me in the right direction.
I've been so damn stressed lately.
I'm so stressed that I can't think straight.
People around me become frustrated with my lack of emotion and they keep trying to cheer me up.
Their need to cheer me up becomes annoying. I start to feel like people are acting clingy when they are probably just trying to find the root of the actual problem at hand.
I wish I could tell them to just give it up. This frustration will pass and I will work my way through these difficulties fine on my own. I'll pull through, I always do...
Even Kitty says,
"Have a little more faith Kelly! You'll pull through"
I can run with that....
*****
What am I saying?
God, please send me a sign!
I need an angel!
