11:56 P.M.
I don�t have enough hours in the day to live vicariously through others, but some days I wish I could.
I had so much spare time today yet I spent most of it running from the things that I refuse to deal with.
I haven�t had time to sit still and absorb some of the loss I have had in the past few months and it�s making me nuts!
With work, and school, and having to tap dance my way around reality, I�m wearing myself rather thin.
I don�t have a clue what the hell is wrong with me, and I�m even more lost when it comes to making myself feel right.
I can�t eat, I can�t sleep, and I don�t care about taking a shower to wash off this feeling of ickiness.
I�m dragging my feet, but I don�t know why?
Maybe I�m trying to slow down the aging process.
�I won�t grow up�, doesn�t sound as promising as it used to and I�m losing sight of who I used to be.
I�ve found myself changing so quickly and it�s almost hard to accept.
I�ve spent so much time with Kitty that I never realized how much he was around.
It sucks to miss someone; it's becomming more difficult to convince myself that I don�t need anything from anyone. I�d like to be independent, but I find that so hard to do when I am constantly in the company of one single person.
My own habits and ambitions start to change after time wears on, and it scares me. I don�t want to change. I don�t want to need anyone. I want to do things on my own.
This feeling that I have had all night long reminded me how much I hate being involved with someone for a long period of time.
I don�t even have this grief with my family. This is pathetic!
As I was walking through Wal-Mart in my pajamas I realized that I have lost touch with my self-image. I have no self-image.
Isn�t it important to have a self-image?
Maybe the real question is,
Why am I so jealous of the people who have perfected it?
What if this is as good as it gets?
Will my life ever be anything more?
Why bother?
I'm so damn exhausted....
