5:33 P.M.
I took Cathy's advice.
She told me to check out the Dr. Phil show on television.
I've never actually watched the show because it reminded me a bit of the things I had to give up a few years ago.
I was going to school more than full time to get my degree in clinical psychology.
I wanted to be a counselor.
*****
Ok, so I checked out the show, and what do ya know. The woman on the show had a great question.
She asked when it's time to give up on your dreams.
How far do you have to come before you just give up and accept that you will never be the things you want to be?
When you grow up, and you are as big as big gets, and you still have not become anything close to what you wanted to be, when do you throw the towel in?
Phil goes on to say that you should definately have a plan and then go where that plan takes you.
Well crap!
If it were just that easy I would be a famous writer by now, teaching and giving lectures in my spare time.
Maybe I should give up?
Maybe I should throw the towel in.
It's funny.
My plan has changed so many times.
I have wanted to be a writer since third grade and I've changed my life plan to impress someone else, or to make more money in the long run, and I've even changed my plan to run from the things I was afraid of. Most often, I have changed my dream to compensate for lack of income in the areas I appreciate more.
What is my alternative?
Do I even have an alternative?
When is it too late? When am I too old to dream?
I can remember a few times where I was afraid to even tell my parents that I wanted to be a writer because they were so disappointed in me.
They think writing should be something that I do for fun, and not for money.
How does Daniel Steel do it? Tell me....
I've never even read any of her novels; I just know she makes booo cooo bucks writing.
How about Stephen King, or Anne Rice?
How do they do it?
I wish I had an ounce of encouragement.
I'm having my doubts now about North Western and the reality of it all.
I'll have to move out of state, and I don't actually have the money to move out and go off to school. I'm not even close to having enough money to transfer.
More than money, I stress about my responsibilites. I spend my free time taking care of my dad. I make sure he eats right, gets his walk, and has a social calander. What is going to happen when I'm gone? Who will take care of dad? Mom, isn't exactly equipt to do it. She thinks she knows how to step in and take over, but she has no idea.... Besides, mom is damn lazy!
Hey Dr. Phil, maybe the real issue I'm struggling with is the fact that I could end up spending the rest of my life in the burbs resenting the entire world for the things I haven't accomplished....
