5:46 P.M.
I decided to ignore the health warnings that told me to stay off of the beach. It�s a perfect beach day and I haven�t seen the sunshine for weeks now.
Traffic was hell so I wasn�t the only one ignoring the warning about the funk in the ocean.
While I was in traffic some guy pulled up next to me with a supped up truck. He rolled down the window and smiled. I just had to laugh when I noticed that he was almost a spitting image of Ben Affleck himself, (only he was about ten years younger than Big Ben)
Seeing this guy in traffic brought back a conversation I had with Kitty just last night. He said he was worried that I was going to really leave him when Ben Affleck finally found me and swept me off my feet.
Ok, so if I would leave anyone for Ben, maybe I shouldn�t be dating at all.
Kitty lectured me about the rules of dating, by telling me that I would have to break up with him first before falling into Ben�s open arms.
Well, duh!
He�s the last person I want to hear advice from. He has no room to lecture me. He was actually considering telling Steve about the web site last night, which would bring our personal life into work.
Bringing my personal life into work is not on my TO-DO list, and Kitty wasn�t even thinking straight when he thought about his offer for Steve. He was only considering that Steve could go to the site to view his pictures. He didn't even think about all the personal stuff he posts on his site...
******
While I was at the beach today I thought long and hard about that silly conversation we shared last night when I was half asleep.
I thought about some of the guys that I have dated, and 75% of them resembled a famous actor that I had a crush on at the time. I didn�t actively seek any of these guys other than Vinny, which I find even more ironic.
I had a crush on Vinny all through grade school, and when he finally noticed me after graduating high school I thought it was a godsend. He WAS a cutie. He strongly resembled a good mix between Ben Affleck and Freddie Prinz Jr.
One thing I remember about those few relationships is that they lasted longer than the rest. They made me so miserable in the end, and when they were finally gone, I found myself feeling I would be better off dead because I knew they were never coming back.
Remembering the past makes me think that I don't even want to let anyone get close to me. I don't want to make anyone feel better off dead when things don't work out the way they had planned.
I'm not perfect.
I don't even know if I ever found closure with my past, but then again I have plenty of issues.
I wrapped myself in a drunken stooper for days hoping to end the pain, and since then I haven�t honestly been to wrapped up in anything close to home.
I don�t see myself falling uncontrollably head over heals at any time in the near future, but all this talk of getting older is starting to get me down.
Looking for �Mr. Right� hasn�t been on my mind lately because I�ve been settling in with �Mr. Right now�. We may argue over stupid issues, he may irk me beyond belief, and he may not want to spend much time getting to know the little things, but he treats me well, and makes me happy.
One of my friends had a theory about why I surround myself with people who I argue with all the time. He thinks that I surround myself with people who make bigger mistakes to make myself feel just a little more perfect than average.
I've never surrounded myself with anyone who I didn't trust in some way or another. All of my friends mean the world to me. I wouldn't give them up for anything. So I find it easier to shrug off such a blunt comment.
I haven't spent much time pondering the thought, but I do hope he was wrong. I can sleep better at night knowing that my "friend" is no Opra Winfrey, or Dr. Phil. Most of the time no one really even listens to much he has to say...
I only wish I could tell Kitty I will be around forever, but I can't make a promise when I'm not sure. I want to be sure before I say something like that and I don't want to lie.
Maybe I'm not ready for Mr. Right? Until Ben comes to find me in the middle of small town suburbia, I�ll be settled in here with �Mr. Right now��.
