2:23 A.M.
I've pretty much given up on trying to make everyone happy.
Tonight Troy and I got into a conversation about how many times I've been dicked over and how I haven't actively seeked revenge on everyone who has done me wrong.
I figure that sooner or later they will get what is coming to them, so why waste my time trying to make them miserable. There is no guarantee that me doing something bad to them will even affect them. I could go out of my way to ruin their life and they may shrug it off and move on. Then how would I feel? Well, I would feel like I wasted my time and I'd probably get more pissed off....
So why bother.
I've given up on that kind of stuff.
I may have done it in the past, but I had done it out with some outside influence.
Like the time when I put post it notes on a guys car that read "LIAR". (I actually have to give credit to Kristina for that one, she inspired and encouraged the whole thing). The "LIAR" didn't really care all that much. It didn't make him feel BAD for cheating on me with some drug dealer stripper chick.
Besides, I wasn't what he wanted in the first place. Why do I want to chase someone who obviously doesn't have any interest in me? I'll never be a drug dealing stripper addicted to crack. Why waste my time on that? There are people out there who find me tolerable; I'll spend more time with them.
I don't want to spend any more time trying to make people like me. I'm just me. What you see is not always what you get, but the people who know me best expect that from me and they tollerate my crazy moments where I'm inspired to try something different. I change my mind all the time, and there isn't always method to my mayhem. I just do things.
I could be in love with someone and still need a vacation , I will always need my down time.
I'd like to do things and not worry about how they will affect other people. I'd like to go out and do what I want, when I want without reporting to anyone. That is why I don't do so well with relationships. I am a relationship leper. I've never denied that. I've never claimed to be a steady relationship guru. I like my space and no matter how hard guys try; they can never seem to grasp that. They say they understand, but deep down they are insecure about the down time. They are always wondering in the back of their mind, "What is Kelly REALLY doing when she's not with me."
Well here's a clue. I'm not out whoring my ass around town.
I'm out spending my down time alone, by myself, or with people I have neglected while being caught up in a relationship. Or I'm with new people who aren't crowding my space at this exact moment in time. Everyone needs a change sometimes.... When I'm smothered I just need my time away....Just because I'm not with you doesn't mean I'm out seeking a life long plan with someone else....
This is I....
I am Kell�.
Any questions?....
