1:40 A.M.
Yes Lauren, Kitty is very cute...
Kitty is cute but tonight he was acting strange. He was a sourpuss.
When he came up to the zone he had the same tone in his voice that he's had for a few days. He doesn't seem to notice it even after I've asked him about it. He still insists that he really liked the place.
but lately he has this tone that says, "I could be doing something SO much cooler right now, and this is almost a waste of my time."
I didn't twist his arm to get him to hang out at the bar. I was hoping he would like the place.
Who knows why he's acting strange. Maybe he's stressed?
Even so, he doesn't talk so much about it.
Maybe it's work, maybe Miiiiiico drove up his ass one too many times this week? Maybe he's frustrated with my lack of emotion lately? Maybe it's as simple as him reading my diary and taking it the wrong way?
When he acts like that I feel like I�ve run out of things to talk about.
I'd much rather see him happier.
I'm not going to fish for answers...
If he can't communicate that's his deal.
When he left the bar, he sped off in his little red sports car as if he was being pissy...
I can't read his mind. I'm not going to try. At this point, what's the point anyway?
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After Kitty left the bar things were back to normal.
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I had a long conversation with the doctor about schools and which one I should focus on if I want to concentrate more on my writing.
Dean recommended applying for a school in Iowa, or Chicago. Maybe I can check out the North Western campus while I'm in the big city. I think the trip would be much more productive if Ben were there to show me around. I figure he's had a year to learn his way around town and we enjoy some of the same things so it would be nice if he could show me around campus a bit.
He also told me to take a class with Mr. Byrd in the fall so that I can put a little more structure back into my writing. Lately when I write, I write how I talk. I don't use proper grammar and I don't spend much time editing my material.
*****
I've been thinking a lot lately about my progress. I wonder how long it will take me to get my life in line. I don't want to live at home until I'm 45 like my aunt did. I want to get out and live. I want my own space to call home.(If only I could win the lotto already) I want my own pets and I want to work my own hours, I want to do the things I love without having to report to anyone...
Why is it taking me so long to finish what I started so many years ago? I don't want excuses... I want answers. Why am I still in school while some of my friends finished years ago?
I need to finish what I've started...
FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS!
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I'm still not feeling well. I'm going to get this bubbling in my chest checked out if it isn't gone by the middle of next week. I still have to find a doctor now that my old doctor won't accept my insurance.
Bummer....
Tomorrow night I get to see the kids. I'm pretty excited. I only get to see them these next two weeks and then they drive up to their summerhouse in North Carolina.
*****
Man, this weekend is going to drag. I can't wait to get to class on Monday to find out how I scored on the math test...
