8:22 P.M.
Is there something else I was meant to do?
What am I doing here?
What is my purpose?
I know for a fact that I want to help people. I want to make money, and someday I want to find true happiness.
Will I ever be truly happy?
I found myself thinking this exact thought at least 12 times today.
I can�t say it was the best day, only that I am happy to be home earlier than originally expected�
It was supposed to be a cake walk, but with almost no sleep my brain didn�t feel like working to it�s full potential today. (As a matter of fact my brain spent most of the day lounging around in the juice station, a juice station of another restaurant, on another PLANET!! All the while, I worked my ass off without it.)
Damn You BRAIN!!
I don�t know if I fucked anything up, but then again I think I may be too tired to actually care.
I am not proud of this, but it�s true.
Kitty was cut the same time they let me go.
Fran�ois made a point of asking how I felt about serving and the amount of money I had made tonight. He also said, �You�re doing ok, but we�ll work with you to make you better. I have faith in you Kelly.�
Translation, �Kelly you fucking suck, you are helpless, you are hopeless, and a miserable excuse for a server. You embarrass the other servers because you are too skittish and nervous. Ok, sure it�s your first day on the floor, but if you don�t shape up, you will wake up with someone�s shoe in your ass the day after tomorrow.�
Thanks Fran�ois�
Thanks for the encouragement and the sincere pat on the back.
In contradiction, Leron was in a great mood today. He told Kitty I was the �Rose Bud� of the restaurant. Who knows what the hell that is supposed to mean?
Maybe it means, �She�s like a flower, she does better just in a vase DOING NOTHING.�
Maybe it means Leron hired me because he thought I was cute and it had NOTHING to do with anything else�
News Flash�
I�m no good at this sort of thing.
Maybe I only feel like shit because I haven�t slept. I�ll give it one more college try.
Maybe on a regular night I�ll do much better.
A week ago I thought I wanted to work for this, today not so much!
Jamie�s attitude was a little much, so I didn�t even bother asking for her help.
She seems to get frustrated when I ask her vital questions, so why bother. From now on if I have a question I�ll ask Chris, Kitty, or Jason.
My feet are bleeding profusely from the heel of my shoes. Since I have taken my shoes off I have had to have a towel around my ankle just to keep the blood from dripping on anything.
I have never had such sever blisters in my life.
These shoes have managed to knarl their way through my flesh almost cutting me to the bone.
I think I would feel more comfortable serving if I COULD FUCKING WALK!!
I have a day to rest my feet and let them heal up before I go back.
I was considering studying the entire menu again just to tweak my serving intellect, but then again I found myself thinking, �What the hell am I doing?�
I�m a fraud!
I�m no server, but I admire the skill and grace that comes with serving.
I�m sure if Leron and Fran�ois could be happy with NOTHING, they would find themselves, OOOOOOOOOOOOH, SO HAPPY WITH ME!
Why can�t life be easy?
