3:15 P.M.
When a minute seems like a long time to waste, you become frustrated sitting at home doing absolutely nothing�
I don�t want to spend too much time thinking about it.
I�ve been reflecting on my life over the past year and there isn�t much to report.
I�m still just ME.
I think the major accomplishment of the year is my will to forgive. I am learning to forgive those who have done me wrong, and I am making active attempts to love the things I hate for the sake of changing my mind. I change my mind for the sake of hoping to change the other things in my life that I can no longer control.
I HATE CHANGE!
I am trying my best to welcome change in every way possible.
I sit here waiting for my clothes to dry so I can fold them and put them away.
I have managed to get most of my job interviews out of the way, and my schedule for the future is almost set in stone..
What woke me up to wanting to finish what I started in the first place?
I�m really not too sure.
Maybe it was the semi grim news from the neurologist.
The news that no matter what I do, the inevitable will ALWAYS be the inevitable.
There isn�t too much I can do about it, but I CAN live until I�m done.
I won�t go into detail because I really just want to feel like everything is going to be alright. That my time here is not over.
I�ve got so much to do�
You think of that specific idea when you are sitting in a hospital bed, blinded by the florescent lights, and woken up every few minutes by the hissing and beeping of life support machines..
I have to remind myself of those distant memories every once in a while.
My head is pounding and part of me wants to do absolutely nothing today, while another part of me wants to go out and live each minute like it�s my last.
I wish I could explain why I feel this mortal dread, but I figure NOW is not the time.
The time may never present itself, but I�d like to apologize to anyone I may hurt in the process of withholding information from them.
I can tell you that I am filled with hope and anticipation. I haven�t felt inspired in quite a while and I hope it lasts this time�
My head is still pounding� Pounding so intense that I can hardly keep my head on straight.
I�m not going to die today.. Hopefully not tomorrow, but I�m going to live each minute like it�s my last.
