12:11 P.M.
I read her site... Wow, she said things I only wish I could capture with words.... her intense detail of how it feels to long so much you feel you could explode....
Of coarse it was x rated, but still, she said it, she said what I was thinking after waking from another torturous dream...
I'm trying to calm down, trying to ignore what I feel, and I'm getting over the idea that I'm being ignored when I want something...
I guess it's good to be ignored sometimes... It's not like I NEED it right now...
The longing I feel will only make it better when I finally get it...
But this longing changes everything...
The next time I am in the same room with this man I dream of, I don't know if I will be able to look him in the face....
He has no business in my heart, let alone in my dreams....
I've given up on the fantasies I once created and I need to focus on something new.... SOmething else.... Someting pure, something more attainable....
Not that I can't have him.
He's told me time and time again that he is mine, but that's just it....
If he is mine, and I am his, I may never taste another kiss so sweet... and I've got to have faith that it's out there...
I'm always striving for finding the better in someone else....
Why can't I believe, "love the one you're with?"
Why can't I just sit still and be the woman he needs me to be?....
I close my eyes, and "it fades away so easily....Love takes the pain, and it turns it into the beauty that remains..." BM
