12:06 A.M.
I don't want to grow old....
I went to this cocktail party tonight...
Never again.
For the simple fact that I just didn't fit in.
I'm not sure why I felt so out of place. I was wearing the same type of clothes, I walked the same as most the women, I just couldn't talk the talk....
I can't talk the talk, because I just don't care...
When someone asks me, "So what do you do?"
I really don't want to talk about it, so I tell them and then there is an uncomfortable silence....
That is the part where I usually say...
hmmm....
and walk away....
It's never chit chat about music, or movies...Or any of the other things I can talk about and relate to....
It's always, "SO WHAT DO YOU DO?"
or, "Who do you know here and how do you know them?"
Well I know the people throwing the party and I've been a babysitter for both of their kids for 5 years now.... And I love them like family....
It wasn't just me... Gabriel didn't do very well with the small talk... But it was cool having him there... I hope he had an alright time...
(Oh and I forgot to mention, it's been storming really bad.....)
I just wasn't cut out for small talk....
*************************
I'm home now, I'm sleepy, and my throat is feeling less than perfect... I'd like to see Ryan, but I feel like sh*t and I really don't want him to see me like this...
He has shown interest in seeing me a few times this week, but I'm just not feeling it....
He's lacking the enthusiasm I had hoped he would feel....
Oh well.... That's life....
