4:57 A.M.
I met Ryan for breakfast.
I honestly hoped to talk a bit more about..... things....anything in general, just to get the communication open again....
We talked about a whole lotta nothing that he will soon forget.
I realized that he didn't mean it when he mentioned going to see Ben Harper.
He loves Ben just as much as I do, but he's not willing to make plans a month ahead of time....
WELL PLAN AROUND IT, YOU HAVE A MONTH TO PLAN ALREADY!
forget it!
I brought the offer to the table because he had mentioned that he wanted to go.
Tonight he also said that his parents have balcony seats, or something of that nature, so we may have an upgrade?
That would be nice....
Still, after I saw him. We talked. I still can't sleep.....
I write....
A thin layer of confidence
Covers my hidden insecurity
Silly empty resistance
Prevents you from knowing me
Even more skittish than myself
You avoid commitment like the plague
Always picturing someone else
And making plans that are vague
Offering an easy way out
Always one foot out the door
So overwhelmed with doubt
You don�t know what I come around for
You tell me you will call
And evade any bitter response
You stumble, you stall
Still hoping to get what you want
You say that you are determined
Still so crippling lazy
You preach such a perfect sermon
Yet your lack of will makes me crazy
You think it�s the drugs
You think I judge you more than I should
You bury me in this hole I�ve dug
And take away all that was once good
Changes are hard to make
And I could never make you my own
You could be my favorite mistake
Even if it meant I would end up alone
I wouldn�t be much worse
Than where I hardly stand
All the disappointing hurt
Becomes inevitable with unrealistic demands
But you can count on me
I would give you the world
I would promise eternity
If you made me your baby girl
I want to give you love
I want to give you true
But nothing is enough
When all you construe is my lust
Kelly T.
