7:18 P.M.
Why did he have to call to ask me to the BBQ?
I thought that plan was off?
What the hell is going on?
Is he all fucked up this early in the day?
Now I'm not aloud to be pissed. He's acting like he never changed plans at all.
Wondering, "Kelly, where the hell are you?"
Damn, this sucks.
Up, then down...
and still pissy.
I'm not going to be good company....
They are having it at his friends� house in Dunedin, the same crowd that never cared too much for me in the first place...
Which got me to thinking, they don't even f*ckin know me, there is no way they can hate me already....
I'm all kinds of F*cking emotional right now.
I know, I know...
It's not Ryan at all.
I'm just looking for someone else to be pissed at right now.
Tomorrow is totally going to suck.
I have the CAT Scan that I've been dreading for almost a year and I haven't been able to sleep or focus on much of anything since I made the appointment to get it done...
I've been craving for any sort of distraction, anything to make me feel better than Death makes me feel right at this moment...
Maybe I'm looking for a reason to live? An addiction, Inspiration, or just someone to love,
And I'm frustrated because I've been looking in all the wrong cabinets and cubbyholes....
What am I so afraid of? Everything happens for a reason I just need a little faith...There will always be things I can�t control�.
