1:03 P.M.
I told my boss that I would be coming in a little late tomorrow. He seemed to try his hardest to understand.
He played concerned and compassionate for a few moments, which caught me off guard.
I know he's really a nice guy; he's just difficult to work for most of the time.
The day is totally dragging.
I didn't sleep well at all last night, and when I did sleep I had so many crazy dreams.
I had one dream that really freaked me out. I was a bit older and I had a kid. I was waiting to be seen in the doctor�s office somewhere. Heidi and Lauren were there and I was going in for some kind of cancer treatment.
Heidi was trying to talk me out of it, and Lauren was telling me to go for it.
I was in tears and afraid to leave my little kid alone for just a few moments.
Ryan came in and everything felt so much easier to deal with. I stopped crying and he held my hand.
I woke up thinking....
Woah, what the hell was that?
Tonight is the big BBQ at Ryan�s and I�m so full on contradiction that I can hardly keep my head on straight. Sometimes even I don�t understand how I feel.
I set him apart from everyone else, and I would answer all of his questions but I just don�t want to waste any more time on heartbreak.
I�ve tried to date guys on a separate schedule. It just doesn�t work out, and after they are away for so long I lose interest. Something always comes up to distract me or make me comfortable with my �single� situation�
I need something more on some days, and those� some-days� are the days that hold me together most of the time.�
I need a shared moment, and understanding. Everyone likes to feel like they are the center of the universe every once in a while�
Nobody said it would be easy�.
On another note, I was totally excited this morning when I got the voicemail that Ryan left while I was in the restaurant yesterday. He was trying to figure out why I sat at a table instead of in his section.... I didn't know he would care. But the message..... The message was so sweet....
Of coarse I miss him, I can't get him outta my head....
