3:44 A.M.
I'm totally blown away. Can I say that again?
Why didn't things work out in the past?
With such a perfect guy who exists, why am I so alone?
I had the most perfect night!
I got done babysitting earlier than expected and I showed up at the bar just as Ryan was being cut.
We went to his place so he could get ready and I caught the few parts of a movie that I actually enjoyed....
I didn't hear the quote, "The Fucking Zoo is Closed Ray", but it was still good.
We went to Bricktown and had a few drinks, then headed to meet up with his friends at a hole in the wall, in Dunedin.
We talked so much about everything.
It seems that we can still start and finish each other�s sentences, we agree on so much, and I totally enjoy his company, partly because I�m not feeling him undress me with his eyes while we are together.
He is so perfect in so many ways; I'm so giddy right now that I can't sleep.
I'm 24 years old and I feel like I'm 16 and so......
We had this one conversation about timing and it seemed to blow him away. "Two people could be totally right for eachother, but if the timing is off it just won't happen".
His face lit up and he said, "That's amazing".... I can totally agree, and Fate is fate. He said, "I am so glad we ran into each other again.... What is meant to be, is meant to be, and I'm not going to mess these things up. I am going to take things slow and think them through, there are so many things I want to do, and it's all because of the things I have done, and then there is you. You make me want to be a better man Kelly."
Wow!
That's all I can say...
WOW!
I miss him already...
But I must say after the last conversation we shared, I am going to have to make myself a hell of a lot more busy. I am not going to be available. I am not going to call him, or make plans for a while.... He made a comment, "Nothing weird, just two friends having a good time". Yeah, I've made that comment too. It's a comment to help you cover your own ass when you know that the person you are with is more into you, than you are into them. I'm NOT going to fall for that. Ok, so with all the compliments, and all this "perfection" I am not going to give into the temptation. I am not going to lose myself in him the way that my heart really wants to. I'm going to sleep, and forget about the extreme rejection I feel just thinking about a statement like, "just friends".....
But it is moments like these, this moment I am stuck in now that make me want to get into my car and drive off of a f*cking bridge.
Something so perfect cut short and made cheap because I can have no expectations....
What is wrong with expectations anyways?
These Great Expectations......
I just want to be happy already. Don't I at least deserve to be happy?.....
