5:40 P.M.
I thought about Ryan.
Of coarse I thought about him. I haven�t been able to change that channel in my brain. It�s like my head is watching reruns of my favorite TV show over and over again.
Each moment I am with him I know what he is thinking as he is saying it, and I can finish his sentence but most of the time I bite my tongue because I wouldn�t want to freak him out.
Last night he showed me his scars, and told me so much. I am so happy he is here.
I�m thankful for so much, which brings me to Laura.
Laura is that daughter of an angel.
Today I went to the beach and hit one of the local hang outs to get a hot dog and a coke. It was only 10 bux because I left a 4-dollar tip, but it felt good to make someone�s day.
Ok, back to Laura.
This woman was there next to me telling me about her 19-year-old daughter who has been laid up in her bed so long that she has almost lost all hope to ever walk again. She was in a serious car accident and she�s had a number of corrective surgeries but Tuesday is the biggest day yet. She has surgery on her spine again where they are going to try to correct her tailbone so that she can sit again.
I can only imagine the pain she has been in and no one deserves that. No one.
Hope and faith are very powerful and one more hope to her recovery may be a drop in the bucket but if everyone had hope it may actually motivate her speedy recovery. The mind is a powerful thing, with confidence and security comes better health.
I hope and pray that the surgery is successful.
It�s funny how things happen. Just last night I was so thankful for all I have, and Ryan and I talked about our hopes and dreams. I hope things work out.
I�m not having second thoughts or doubts about inviting him to this cocktail party in a few weeks. It will be more than him meeting my family, because the people I have been babysitting for are family to me but they are something more. They have provided me with so much.
I often say and do things that people don�t understand. They question my motives and choose not to have faith in the things I provide for them. I do things for the sake of seeing someone else happy and no one I have met has understood that. Even If I can't afford to do something nice for a friend I go out of my way to do something... Even if it means sitting up all night making them a stained glass candle holder or writing a poem that may bring them to tears. I want to do that. I want to walk that extra mile to make someone else smile. It comes harder to make those close to me smile. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable, I don't want them to feel like they owe me anything. I just want to see them happy... I totally mean it when I say, I only wish I could bring Ryan the happiness I had once found on my own, and I hope that the happiness he has made me feel every time I have been around him never fades�
And I hope that someday he may try to understand why I do the things that I do, even those times when nothing I do seems to make any sense.....
