3:08 A.M.
I was so excited about going out tonight and it was a damn good night!
I did see Ryan and I had this spaz attack. Silently. I had a silent spaz attack, if that is possible.
We were in this conversation, and he said that he missed me and that seeing me was a very pleasant surprise. I said that it couldn't have been that pleasant because he never called me.
He stormed off and I wanted to cry.... I haven't had a guy make me cry in.....wow, a damn long time, but just tonight I was totally shredded... I wanted to die. ..
He came back and told me that it was nothing that I did that made him storm off. It was something else that had happened in the restaurant. I was relieved but the fact that I felt so lousy when he left me still made me feel like shit.
How the hell could he make me feel so shitty.... He only just got back into town. How could I care so much for someone I haven't seen in so long. I hate this feeling of vulnerability....Damn, I've missed him.
I wanted to tell him but I bit my tongue...
After Jenn and I had some drinks at the bar, she called her friend to pick us up. We ended up in some sports bar in St. Pete. I had fun but it�s not a place I would normally go ��. I'll finish later, I can't write and talk at the same time. This is the big moment!!! He finally just called!....
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Ok, I'm back....
It was a short conversation, but yet again a memorable one. I love talking to him. He is one of the most intelligent men I have ever met. Even more so than Jay.
If I won the lotto tomorrow I would hire him to tell me stories about anything in the whole world. I totally miss hanging out with him.
He said that he was thinking about me, and that he had to sever ties with so many people to move on with his life but he thought about me every once in a while.
I wish I could say that I only thought of him every once in a while. There were so many damn times I thought about him.
Every time my parents would drag me into the "Lucky Dill Deli" I would look around and hope to see him. Every time I went into a Fridays, I would look for him, and then any other place in Countryside.
I told him some of the things I remembered. I told him that I remembered meeting his mom and his sister at the deli that one day....long, long ago...He said that the fact that I had met his mom spoke very highly of me because he never introduced anyone to his mom. He had totally forgotten about that critical moment until just now, and he promised to call tomorrow....
We'll see...
Maybe now, I can stop dreaming about him, stop thinking about him, and wondering how he feels about ........ Oh forget it.... It's a waste.
I've always thought so highly of him and I'm so damn glad that he is back in town! I�m home now, and ready for bed�.
