6:17 P.M.
I'm really hoping that this whole diagnosis stops right at the CAT scan. I hope they find what they are looking for right away.
I don't want to deal with all the other tests...
I don't mind the EEGS, Bear Tests. I just don't want the poking and prodding of a catheder run up my main artery into my heart and then into my brain, so that they can take pics of my brain matter.
I hope it's just as obvious as my doctor thinks it should be.
It took them a long time to find out exactly what was going on with my dad before his brain surgery.
I think about it now and it turns my stomach.
I don't want to see Jay for the first time in forever on the terms of a brain aneurysm in his department of the hospital.
He works with the cathedars and the last thing I want is for him to see me in one of those gowns that open up in the back... ha
I remember when I used to look up to him. Where I thought I couldn't live without him.
I do think about him.
I do wish I had his insight right now. I wish he could tell me, "Don't worry Kell, it's going to be alright, even if we find something YOU WON'T DIE YOUNG."
How the heck would I tell Amy?
I couldn't tell Amy....
What am I saying?
It's still too soon to diagnose anything for sure.
But the busted blood vessel that caused a severe nose bleed, the headaches, loss of concentration and embarrassing extreme amount of permanent memory loss...
It's making me absolutely nuts; everything else is a distraction...
And why hasn't Ryan called...
