6:37 P.M.
I GOT FLOWERS!!!
ME!
NOBODY!
My boss sent me get well flowers after I called in sick today. I think it was the sweetest jesture! I truly appreciate it!! I am virtually glowing right now!
I just got done watching �Rock the House� on VH1. The Goo Goo Dolls went to the house of their number one fan. They rearranged the living room and added a few of their own personal touches. The living room looked great! I watched the woman�s response when she got to meet the band. She was ecstatic. It truly warmed my heart that has been feeling so cold all day long.
That show really made them out to be a warm and caring band.
I saw them a few months ago in Orlando. They were touring for their album, "Gutter Flower". It's a great album!
I have seen them in concert sooo many times. But the first time I saw them was in 97 at my senior grad night. I've seen a few times now in Orlando.
I remember back a few years ago when I met them and they were a little less friendly.
I had been dating James for a couple of months and he knew that I loved the Goo Goo Dolls. Christie had a meet and greet session with 4 contest winners. It wasn�t like these people had to profess their love for the band to meet them. They just had to be caller #9. I thought that was a little bunk. I figure that their number one fans probably don�t even listen to that radio station because most of the music sucks.
Well James called me the morning of the private show and told me to meet him at the station at 2:15. I showed up early as usual. He was nowhere to be found. I waited in the lobby of the radio station for about 2 hours.( I thought to myself, just like usual, he�s always late if he even shows at all. I�m probably just a big joke to him.) I heard the private concert over the speakers just as everyone else in the building did. People kept working their office jobs while the band was in the studio. The chaos of the office made it hard to hear the personal touches that were added to the private show. When they played �Iris� I found myself getting teary eyed, which made me even more uncomfortable in the busy environment. They played a set of 4 songs. The whole time I couldn�t help thinking, �I can�t believe those guys are in the next room. There is only one wall separating me from that amazing music!�
I had seen them in concert a few months before this private show and I have to say that it was the best show I had ever seen at the time. They were touring with Tonic. I took my sister to see them for her 18th birthday because I wanted it to be special. I wanted to take pride in the fact that I gave her the best gift that I had ever given anyone� (Even if she didn�t seem to appreciate it.)
Well finally James came running into the lobby. He was sweating. His truck broke down and he had no way of getting a hold of me. I was a little edgy because I had been sitting in the lobby for so long while everyone starred at me like, �Who the hell does she think she is?� There was one woman who worked there who kept walking past me asking if she could HELP me in any way. Her tone told me that she was rather annoyed that I was sitting there in the lobby just starring off into space.
James took me back to the studio and everyone in the building had made his or her way back there to try to meet the band. More specifically, they wanted to meet Johnny Reznik. The man with a million dollar smile, and lyrics that could charm even a baneful Venus. I can admit, the whole band rocks. Their music IS absolutely amazing!
The band pushed their way out of the studio and shuffled towards the back of the building. James took my hand and led me into a huge meeting room. He pulled out the chair at the head of the table and told me to take a seat. He went up to the buffet counter and picked up a few slices of pizza for me. I sat there and let my head hang low. I paid no attention to my sloppy posture or expression of disappointment. We were sitting there while he told me all about his bad day. I told him that I would stay to see his radio show, even though I was so tired. I felt bad for him being left out on the street with his crappy truck. I felt so bad for being such an anti-social bitch in the lobby.
Moments later the band walked in behind me and some guy made a comment like, �who�s the chick at the head of the table. I don�t know who she is, but someone should ask her to move.� I have no clue who said it. It was just some �Nobody� who worked at the station. I got up from my seat because I felt uncomfortable after hearing his comment. Then I realized that the band didn�t even care about sitting at the head of the table. They sat smack in the middle. Johnny kept looking in my direction. I swear that every time I met eyes with him, I felt like there was lightning in my blood stream. My eyes lit up with so much appreciation. Just sitting there in the same room, I felt the hair on my arms was standing on end. I couldn�t wipe the smile from my face.
John, the music direction mentioned how he wanted to get some cd�s signed for the station, which lead the band to talk about the long day they had. They had woken up in LA, flown to Miami, Driven to Tampa, and they had one more radio show to do in Orlando. When I heard that they were going to Orlando my ears perked right up. I smiled and Robbie smiled even bigger than he was just a moment ago. It made me feel like a million bucks to see him smile. He seems like such a great guy.
Johnny R. seemed like he was very tired and irritated, and then that obnoxious women Nancy Alexander from the channel 13 news made some rude ass comment towards him about his band. He snapped right back at her and she started acting even more snobby. Eventually her and her personal assistant danced out of the room and some of the tension eased.
The band began signing cd covers and I had brought my own from my car. I took pride in the fact that I have been a fan of their music for a long time. I didn�t say much when I had the chance to meet them.
I walked up to the side of the table and started off with Robbie, he looked up at me and said, �you�re face looks so familiar and I just can�t place it. What�s your name?� I told him that we had never met, but I had seen their show a few months back at the Hard Rock Live in Orlando. I told him that Katy and I were front and center for the whole show and we really had a great time. I told him how much I truly appreciate their music and the fact that they took time to tour near my area. That�s all I could really say. Johnny was signing someone�s cd cover and put it down to smile and listen to my conversation with Robbie. They gave me another free cd and all I could think was, "It felt great to see that smile." So close up. It really warmed up the room.
James interrupted our conversation to ask if he could take a quick picture. They agreed and I think 7 or 8 cameras snapped the same shot from different angles. I�d love to see how the other ones came out. Mine weren�t all that great. I was looking in one direction and they were looking in another because James moved around.
Getting to meet them really did mean the world to me. I think back now and wish I could wish them the best in their future projects.
I rushed out to buy �Gutter Flower� the day that it went on sale and promoted it to everyone I know.
There is one song on there that really meant so much the first time I heard it. I heard it right after I found out about my dad�s condition and the lyrics really hit me hard. I had so much going on for me but I was faced with the thought of losing my dad to a brain aneurysm.
Johnny sings:
�All my fears had pushed you out
I wished for things that I don�t need
all I wanted
and what I chase won�t set me free
all I wanted
and I get scared but I�m not crawling on my knees
oh yeah,
every things all-wrong
oh yeah
every things all-wrong
yeah
where the hell did I think I was
������������
take these things so I don�t feel
cut myself from the inside out
now my head�s been filled with doubt
it�s hard to lead the live you chose
all I wanted
when all your lucks run out on you
all I wanted
and you can�t see when all your dreams are coming true
oh yeah
It�s easy to forget
oh yeah
and you choke on the regret
oh yeah
who the hell did I think I was
����������..
Stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I�m not sure where I belong
I know there�s hope
And I�m all wrong
And I wasn�t all the things I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn�t be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk
And all the lies
And all the empty things disguised as me
That song really meant so much
I was working a job I had never dreamed of. I was doing so well. Things were really coming together. My life was good but it wasn�t the true goodness that I gave credit to. I credited my success to the material things I could get. I hardly gave credit to the things that were really good. My job was who I had become. My job was my life. All I wanted was more money. The money would not set me free. When I didn�t have the money, I was scared, and depressed, but I knew I wasn�t shit out of luck because I�ve always got the memories of what I had. I was wrong to try to make believe that I was someone better than what I was. When it comes down to it, I have no education backing up my experience as a dental office manager. I just worked my way to the top.
I kissed it all goodbye
My dad got so sick and my luck all went down hill from that point on. I didn�t care about having my dreams come true. I didn�t care about anything.
I gave it all up when my dad got sick. For so many reasons, I let it go�. The job wasn�t what I had imagined my life to be anyway, and I didn�t see any point fighting for it.
I found myself questioning, �who am I�
My friend Aaron confronted me when I cancelled plans with him. I told him I couldn�t stay out late on a week night because I had to work the next day. He said my work was my life. He was right. He told me that work should only be means to have fun and pay bills, It should not become my life�
I wanted to play that song as my apology towards all the people that I had left behind to dedicate myself to my job. I hardly saw anyone.
I enjoy my friends and family and I don�t want them to feel that I don�t appreciate them�
Right now, I think I�m going to meet my aunt up at The Galley Pizza for some dinner. I�m hoping she won�t be so bitter as she always is tonight. I already feel like poo
