11:52 P.M.
Diary~
Last night Scott saved the last dance for me....
Tonight I ended up watching the movie "Save the last dance". It reminded me of Scott in the sense that he was trying to teach me how to bust out some new moves...
This movie is so great....
I made a conscious decision a long time ago...I am not going to become a victim of circumstance...I keep wanting to enforce my decision every time I come across the things that used to get me into a lot of trouble in my past...
I had been a victim before, but it's been a while since I have just done something to do it, without considering the consequences... Indulging in something that would hurt me in the long run. I have no interest in it.
I don't even want to associate with people who can't take responsibility for their own actions..
I used to associate with so many different types of people in my past and I was not always thinking for myself. I'd like to think that I have grown considerably since then...
Tonight I watched "Save the last dance", and it reminded me of the things that surround me on some days.
Where Sean plays a character who seems to mentor a guy who doesn't have his shit straight. And because he ran with this guy in his past he still gets into trouble on the side.
I have changed so much since I have seen the people who still run with the wrong crowd...I don't want to go back.
It hit me again last night when Chrissy was begging me to take her to a late night party.
I don't care for the stuff. I'm not about to go out to some party where everyone is incoherent, and f.u.b.a.r.
It kind of disappointed me that she still wanted to run with that crowd.
She's been married since high school and she has a few kids now... There are so many moments where I felt that she hasn't really grown up much last night. She said that it was only temporary, and she was just regressing because she has been pent up for so long, but the more and more she talks, the more and more it sounds like nothing in her life is her fault, that she claims that she is just a victim of circumstance...
Is it possible to owe your entire life to circumstance?
I can only feel sorry for myself for so long before I have to take responsibility and make my life better..
I'm so frustrated lately.
Hating so much around me that I want to change, I just don't know exactly where to start...
I don't find motivation in circumstances...I need to create my own success, and faults...
This guy Sean in this movie is a real hottie...
I'm going to get back to watching the movie with my dog....
