7:31 P.M.
Diary~
I got a reply from Troy today. He said that he won't be comming to the Christmas party...BIG FUCKING SURPRISE! I guess he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I don't know why I even bother anymore... It hurts too much to drag this out any longer. I feel like I'm the only one who even cares about our friendship that we had...
The whole day has been shitty, but I'm thankful to be here....Thankful that my dad is still here, and that my sister could come down and join the family...
There is so much negativity around me right now, I wish I could wash it all away....
Tonight started off and grandma and Marcia were arguing before I got in the door. I could hear them while I was ringing the doorbell on the front porch. They argued the entire time that I helped them set up the dinner table.. I just wanted to take an advil already. My head is still pounding!!
All they seem to do is argue. I can see why now...
Tonight my family kept making comments about people. They don't have educated opinions, they have attitudes towards things. There is a difference...there is a huge difference between having a "feeling" about something and having an arguemented opinion.
My grandmother decided to generalize everyone who owns a black leather trench coat as a criminal.
And when I was watching MTV I made a comment about how Justin Timberlake was a great dancer. Marcia had to mention that it's because he dates black girls...
So fuckin what!
When the big vote for best male video came on, I said how Enrique, and Craig David were both hotties. My grandma rolled her eyes and said, "aren't there any cute white guys". It sounds ignorant to me. I don't care what color or race someone is. If a guy is hot, he's hot!...
I still hold my ground, Justin can dance! I think that he comes in a close 2nd to Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson is an amazing dancer, and performer.
My family also decided to knock Michael Jackson for a while. Dad called Michael a loony toon. And I snapped back, "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM!!!"
It really pisses me off when people have to cut someone down that they don't even know. MOst of what we know about the rich and famous is told to us by magazines and talk shows. No one really takes the time out to get to know them. I've met a few people who had high profiles, and I DO feel sorry that the media has to follow their every move. They can't even take a crap without someone following them into the can....
I so very much wish that my grandfather was still around. I really miss him. Especially this time of year, because our family used to spend so much time with my grandparents...
Now I'm just tired of the way my family has been acting. Totally generalizing everyone. I'm sick of it.
I have been judged by people that I don't know my entire life...
People think I'm fucking crazy.....
LOONY!
So I guess that I'm in the same boat as Michael Jackson, and Eminem.
I like Eminems stuff. I do understand the art behind his words. I appreciate his lyrics.
I am just so pissy right now. I have been all day. I have been dreading this day all year long. I didn't even call anyone to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving the way that I should have. I don't want to sit on the phone....
I just want to take a warm bath, but our tub is too small....
I don't want to go out. It's chilly out and I don't want to wear clothes right now....I just want to relax. I definately don't want to drive anywhere...I just don't want to talk to anyone or see anyone...I don't know what is wrong with me. But I'm so damn pissy...
I'm so frustrated....
And angry.
The same hate that my family feels towards the people that they generalize, fills me full. This is not right. I don't like to feel like this. I wish something good would happen to take my mind off of all of this...Maybe I'll go see a movie?
JBV just called and said that his family is waiting for my family to arrive. I just don't want to mingle right now. I'd rather put some cozy pajamas on and sleep....Why am I so tired still?....
I'm still so angry!! DAMN!
I can understand being judged by your actions, or the company you keep. That just comes with the territory of having to justify yourself I guess?
It sucks but it's true. You are judged by the company you keep.
I remember having to read "The Stranger" in college and it totally opened my eyes to so much.
I wish my family wasn't so ignorant about their opinions. I hope that I'm never like that...Oh, God please don't let me become ignorant.
Ignorance may be bliss,, but I don't want it...
I'm so thankful for so much today....I just wasn't ready to have to hear about people complain about the things that they aren't getting...
If you do just one thing today, don't sulk and think of the things that you WANT...
Go out and make something happen.
The longer ya feel sorry for yourself, the longer you will stay stagnent...You'll be moving at that sludge like pace, where you get nothing done....
Come to think of it....
I STILL HAVE A 50Lb. block of clay sitting in the corner of my room waiting to be carved....I "Could" make someting happen myself. I could finish this project that I haven't started....
But instead, I'm off to see JBV and his family for a few minutes... :)
Happy Thanksgiving.
