10:29 p.m.
Diary~
Today was long as hell!
I didn't sleep in like I had planned.
I didn't even sleep well last night.
I spent a lot of time up thinking about the whole dating thing....
First thing on my mind was Scotty. I sat there wondering how he could try to offer me so much when he hardly knows me. I have known him for a while but never gave him my number because I didn't want to lead him on. Sure, I think he's cute, and he makes wranglers look great but I'm not looking for a boyfriend. I don't want to dedicate myself to ONE person, and that's where dating usually leads.
I love dancing with Scotty, but then again, I love dancing with John, and JBV, but I'm not going to go run out dating them either. I just like to have a lot of friends. They mean more to me than anything...my friends are like family.
If I really wanted to hook up with Scotty, I could have had great seats at the bucs game today, and I could have called in sick to work.
I decided on going to work a double instead....
Which brings me back to the comment that Jay made a while back, That "I'm only out for myself"...
Ok fine, I needed money more than I needed to have a good time. I do what's best for me...fine!
Then there is AL. where do I start. Things were so good in the beginning. I liked hanging out. It was nothing like old times really.
I felt like the time we hung out about 5 years ago he probably would have walked on broken glass for me. Now,When we first started hanging out again I had the impression things may be different.
When we first started hanging out again I thought he was so cute, but then other times he says or does something that turns me off...
He'll call me and I'll ask him out to dinner or a movie or something and it takes him forever and a day to be ready to go out....
When I'm already hungry I hate to wait around.
If he's ready he is usually side tracked by something else.
Then when we get out he's either abnormally quiet or he mumbles...yes, mumbles.
The other night when we went to Ruby's our waitress got his order wrong because he mumbled it.
He told me some stories about the jokes that he's played on people and I didn't really find them amusing at all. I thought they were just mean and idiotic...
I guess that I don't hook up with guys that I respect because I know for sure that I may not be completely over the things that have torn me down in the past. I keep my distance because Of respect. I like to take guys out. Especially if we're dating. I don't like guys to take the check automatically. If I have money, let me spend it on my friends. It's better than spending it on myself. Al gave me a hard time about taking him out for his birthday. If I can't do something nice for his birthday, when can I do something nice....
I figure the new path to take is to come right out and tell all the guys I meet in the future...fuck off! I'll only rip your heart and saut� it!
On a lighter note....
Well
I hate work!
I don't want to hate work...
I worked another double because April called me in early. I don't think that anyone really appreciated it. Jenn seemed to be pissy with me all day. I should just NOT talk to anyone I work with.
I had some ass hole tables...Real assholes!
One guy was sitting by himself for 20 min waiting for his wife on her cell phone, they got in a fight, he snapped at me, threw money on the table and walked out. IT SUCKED!!
Then Barbie walked in...all kinds of pissed off! I had trays to run and she kept walking in front of me on purpose and giving me dirty looks because her stupid boy toy smiled at me when he walked in the room. FUCK HER!
I was 2nd to last cut and it sucked! I fuckin hate closing. I am so tired and cranky right now.
I come home, today, I tried to instant message AL and he had some lame auto response telling me to read his blog. I read it. ..I'm basically a waste of his time.He has way too much time to analyze things�
He takes offense if I am daydreaming or spending any time thinking about silly problems in the back of my mind. I guess he needs constant attention and affirmation letting him know he�s the center of the fucking universe!
I'm so fucking tired!
I�m off to bed because I�m the only one working tomorrow morning until noon!
Why can't more guys be like Curt? He's a great friend. We talk about a lot of things. He is sincere and he calls me sis. I've always sorta looked up to him like an older brother.
I'm not just tired, I think I'm getting sick! My glands are swelled up like golf balls!
I hate work!
