3:16 p.m.
Deeply Pondering Diary~
Today I headed straight to the beach when I woke up. I didn't even bother brushing my hair. I pulled it back, put my suit on, brushed my teeth, and I was out the door....
I walked the beach and tried to think of one forgotten soul.
There has to be someone I haven't asked to this Ben Folds concert!
I have received the best excuses...
I swear that I have asked everyone....
Everyone I have asked, has officially backed out again...
Amy is going to Dan's wedding..
Rick has to work...
Heidi is still pregnant..
Lauren is still pregnant...
Pete never called me back..
Troy won't go...
Tammy works..
Eric? Who knows?
And so many others.....
So I asked Scott...He said his girlfriend is coming in from Chicago.
I need to make a point of telling these guys that I've asked that this is NOT a date...
I just want someone who will enjoy the music. I'm probably not even going to go to another concert for a while now...
I wonder about all the guys I have recently mislead. I mean, the guys that I have asked to the concert tell me that they can not go, but they want a rain check...a date that we can hang out another time...
That's not exactly what I was asking for...because after that date, there may be obligation to hang out again, and again...
I know that some of these guys I have asked I would never choose to date.
Some smoke, do drugs, hey, some are drunks...but I figured if they like the music I will tolerate them for a night.
I don't want to get into any commitments with a guy that I know I don't honestly want to put in my back pocket...Oh, that sounds bad.
I'm not interested in guys that do the things that piss me off.
I dated James for 7 months too long. I wanted him to be something he wasn't. I wanted him to be honest...I wanted him not to be a drunk...I wanted him to be what his dad described him to be in all of the stories he would tell....
Or Vinny...He would have been great if he wasn't a drunk..Or a cheater...
All these guys seemed so perfect at one time because I didn't focus on the things that piss me off...
Any other stranger who would be doing the same things as those guys did, would piss me off...
I don't want a drunk who is going to give me an excuse for everything...Or a smoker, who blows smoke in my face. I am so allergic to smoke, and it sucks...
Why does Scott have to smoke?
I look back at my list of the perfect guy, and Scott comes pretty close...but he smokes..yuck. I think the girl that is coming to town may actually be HIS girlfriend..not just a girl friend...
not goanna do it....not going to jump into that... but he plays guitar, he sings, he knows a lot about the things that I get into and we can have a decent conversation...I want to hear him play music...I hope he shows up at Java tonight. I think I just want more friends...
The guys that I dated for so long in the past were my best friends...I loved them like family.
I don't want to SAVE anyone.
I don't want anyone to pretend they are something that they are not just to strike my interest...
I'm not looking to correct someone's bad habits, and I don't want anyone QUITTING anything for ME...That is lamo.
I lost Jason to one of those stupid promises.
He promised to quit drugs, and as soon as we broke up he relapsed and he overdosed alone for the last time.
His friends still hate me forever entering his life...
I want to have a normal boyfriend some day.....
But right now, I'm just looking for a friend to take to the concert....
