9:45 p.m.
Sleep Deprived Diary~
Am I going to end up like my mother? With a cabinet of orange bottles to cure my every ailment...If it be heartburn, nausea, anxiety or migraines?
I went to see the movie "Abandon" tonight. It was good. Watching Katy's sleep deprived charachter made me more sleepy...
I find myself reaching for the quick fix....
Today I started to feel run down. Like all these Vitamins are really doing me no good. I stopped at Eckerd�s on my way home to pick up some night time cold medicine, just hoping that tomorrow I will wake up rejuvenated without aches or pains..
Maybe I have problems with anxiety? What is my quick fix for that?....Today at work I almost had a severe anxiety attack. All those tables, all at once... I haven't had so much anxiety in a very very long time. I can't recall the last time anxiety has had the best of me. It's been at least 6 months now.
Ok, I do recall the last time Anxiety had the best of me. I was at work and I was working the front desk at the dental office.
It was right after a brief vacation to Colorado. The doctor was out of town for 2 weeks, and I took 4 days off. I hadn't had 2 days off in months. I usually worked at least 46 hours a week in that place...It was crazy!
The doctor was running about 4 hours behind schedule because he decided to reprimand everyone who worked in the building for not correcting his mistakes or something? Who knows what crawled up his ass and died that day?
Well I ended up having to call all the patients to let them know that I would need to reschedule them. The office was so busy at the time that on average patients were already scheduled about 2 and 1/2 months ahead of time. (Patients that were waiting 2 months to be seen would have to wait another 2 months just to get in again).
One man had a surgery that had been rescheduled 4 times. He was livid! He told me that he was coming in for the surgery, and he didn't care if he had to assist on his own surgery..."WE WERE TAKING HIS TEETH OUT DAMMIT!!" He was so pissed.
I don't blame him for being upset. I would be upset. I had 3 people telling me to do 3 different things.
The doctor said he didn't care.
The doctor�s wife told him to come in and wait in the lobby for a few hours,
And Veronica (the assistant) yelled at me for having the patient come in.
This patient was one of the strange ones that would call a million times if he had to. He would not let any of my assistants schedule his appointments. He would ONLY speak to me. He was quite rude to other people that worked for me.
I had that happen a lot. Patients would make my assistants feel like pee brains. They would only schedule or do business of any kind with me.
I wonder if that is part of the reason they didn't stick out the doctors massive mood swings...
Then the doctor called me in the back to yell at me in front of a patient.....
I walked out. I had never walked out before...I never wanted to go back.
The only reason I went back was to try to train Donna how to do my job...She ended up quitting while I was on leave to take care of my dad...
I didn't know what to do because some patients often get out of control...I feel bad for the girl in the front office now...I heard she tried to quit a few times now.
I remember back when I first started, patients only wanted to speak to my supervisor, and after I was there for a month, no one wanted to speak to her.
I brought the production in that office sky high. It was a team effort, but I had a strategy. We brought the production from 30 G's, to 100 G's. We kicked ass, until the doctor went crazy, and everyone quit!
One thing I learned in that office was how to avoid popping pills for my ailments.
Instead, I found natural remedies.
Vitamin B proved to be a great stress reliever, but it also made me more vulnerable to criticism. I took things very personal, and sometimes I would come home and cry myself to sleep.
I hate crying, it wrinkles up my face, and causes a massive break out to occur.
I fought colds with natural remedies that didn't have the same repercussions as antibiotics did.
When I took antibiotics, I found myself having to see the doctor every two weeks. It sucked. I hate going to the doctors...I found that when I was run down I could add vitamin C, and take out the sugars and pastas for a while. When I had too much sugar build up in my system I ended up with problems...My ears would fill up or I would feel bogged down..
I just want to feel normal. It's been so long, I don't know if I would know normal if I felt it?....
I just want to sleep! A hug....Or maybe even eat? Something........To take away this void...this feeling of nothingness....
